Yours, Forever

e i g h t e e n

He brought his hand up to hold hers, bringing both of their hands back down, lacing them together. It was the silent gesture that offered her strength.

"I will forever be in her debt. Words cannot even describe how much she's been there for me. She was even there when I was hurt by—" She paused.

This was always the hardest part. Xavier squeezed her hand, silently encouraging her, which she responded with a small smile.

"—hurt by Chris. He was my first and only boyfriend. I met him after Liam gave me the job at the firm at this dinner party, I don't really remember the details. But at the time I was just 23—I had just finished graduate school and you know, I was always told by my professors how important building connections were.

"So, I mustered up the courage to introduce myself and I guess we hit it off. We began to date and everything was going great or at least in my head everything was going really well. I was 23, young, with a handsome boyfriend who claimed to love me.

"What I didn't seem to notice was that he would subtly add snarky and rude comments about my weight, or my appearance— just anything he could find to criticize me here and there. And now that I think about it, I realize how dumb and how stupid I was not to notice these things earlier."

The soothing feeling of his hand continuously rubbing circles on the back of her hand, gave her the courage to continue. "I think we dated for around 6 months before he asked me to move in with him. And of course I said yes— why wouldn't I? I was in love and I guess at that time I felt like, finally there was someone who could heal me from my past because I thought he understood my anxiety and overthinking.

"I didn't realize that the rude comments he was making were just slowly making me spiral back into that darkness. I remember getting upset with Maddie and my family when they all warned me that there was something off about him. But of course, my stubborn ass decides to not listen because I was so in love with him.

"Then, 6 months soon became 1 year and it just got a lot worse. He began to blame me and berate me even if I hadn't done anything wrong. And even though I knew it wasn't healthy for me to continue being with him, I still stayed with him because I didn't want to be alone.

"And I know, I had so many people around me who cared about me and would do anything for me to be happy, but I just wanted to feel loved and wanted. I just wanted someone who would look at me the way Lucas looked at Maddie. I was stuck so deep in the hole and by the time I realized it, it was already too late. I didn't know who I was and I was trying to change myself to accommodate him, second guessing everything and all my decisions.

"Whenever I would confront him about it, he would just come up with an excuse saying that he had a bad at work. And every single fucking time, I would forgive him. It wasn't until one day, I came home early from work and I noticed clothes scattered around the living room. There were noises coming from our bedroom and I knew right then and there that he had been cheating on me.

"I felt so stupid and I didn't really know what to do, so I just went back to the office and tried to make sense of the whole situation. I think I had some sort of spiritual awakening or something there, because that was when I decided that enough was enough."

Her eyes began to water as she tilted back her head to blink back the tears, not wanting them to fall. "I went home that night and he was angry at me that I came home so late. Imagine being angry at your significant other when you had been the one cheating and treating her like shit the whole time you've been together. I was so angry and upset that I just told him that we were over.

"At first, he tried to coax me into staying with him, but as I began to pack my bags, he became more angry. He started to say things that to this day still hurt me, which is why I reacted the way I did with Cynthia. She said some things that reminded me of what he said to me."