Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: Midnight Coffee

Title: Midnight Coffee

Author: simruns

Reviewer: Fayesther

Because you asked me to mainly focus on the relatability of your story, I have decided not to give you marks in your review. I hope this is okay.

Title + Cover:

Your title is perfect for your story! It is easy-going and sets the tone to your book effectively.

I really like your cover also! The collage is well structured and the pictures chosen illustrate the themes in your story well. The fonts chosen are easy to read.

Description:

A good amount of information is laid out here, however, it really needs an edit, as there are quite a few grammar mistakes in it.

Also, including the author's note here seems counter-productive in my opinion. Remember the description of your book is where you need to sell your story to potential readers. You don't want to scare them off at the first hurdle.

Grammar: 

You didn't ask me to focus on your grammar so I'll keep this section brief.

I noticed quite a few places where your wording comes across a bit clumsy; places where you have accidentally repeated phrases, swapped tenses or dropped smaller words.

There were a couple of instances where the meaning of your writing was unclear- that is down to clumsy word order in a few sentences.

That all being said, I managed to follow your story just fine.

I pin-pointed a few errors whilst reading- I hope you found this helpful.

Writing Style: 

I love the first sentence of your story- where the main character comments on how weird her friend's name is. I found it quite funny and I agreed with her! It starts your story off fantastically- setting the humorous tone.

I also love how you laid out the chapters. The pictures at the top and bottom of the pages and where you placed the title of each chapter are all very pleasing to the eye.

You have a good balance of showing and telling in your writing, which can be a tricky thing to master, well done.

You are good at communicating your characters' emotions. You show it effectively through the dialogue. You also gave the reader very deep insight into how Isa's mind works through telling the story through her point of view. As a reader, I felt quite a strong connection with her.

The pacing of your story is really good you give your reader room to breathe between the fuller scenes, this is important as too much drama at once can become overwhelming.

Characterisation:

Hero and Isa are instantly likeable in the prologue. You have captured their innocence really well and I love their carefree attitudes!

Isa is a very relatable character. An authentic teen, you have done a good job with portraying her young, fun and bubbly energy reading through her thought processes as the first person narrator is a joy- it's like she's a friend having banter with me! I love that!

You've managed to evolve your characters' personalities affectively in the course of your book. This is very cleverly thought out. I like the change in Hero from being super sweet when young to being a bad boy when older. People rarely stay the same over time and you captured this reality really well in your story.

All of your characters have an individual charm to them. You are really good at revealing their strengths and weaknesses making them seem real- not overly stereotypical or two-dimensional.

Plot: 

The prologue is full of humour and innocence. I love this idea of two kids bonding over the rebelliousness of drinking coffee and comparing this rebellion to a worse one- smoking. It was sweet and enjoyable to read.

I think it would really benefit your story if you started off with this scene and added the information about the main characters (that you share before the coffee scene) more gradually through out the course of the story. I found having all that information, before anything really happens in the story, a bit much.

Isa has an interesting social life. Her friends are crazy, fun and full of that teen energy that keeps the genre of teen-fiction alive! Each interaction you have communicated through out your story is full of life! Care-free and enjoyable. I especially like the parts between Isa and Hero!

Overall: 

A story full of great potential! In regards to relatability, you have certainly made a good teen story. Full of circumstances that most teens in the western world would certainly relate to. Your writing is full of great humour and has an enjoyable energy! There were moments where I chuckled out loud. I liked the parts where Isa questioned her own thought process- that was a clever addition to showcase her fun personality.

Thank you so much for asking me to review your story. I hope you find my feedback helpful.