Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: The Melody of Our Heartbeats

Title: The Melody of Our Heartbeats

Author: Wind_Chim3s

Reviewer: Fayesther

Title + Cover: 4/5

The stories you have written so far fit under this title very well. This title also intrigued me, I was excited to see what was in store.

As for the cover, I love the picture on the top half it has lovely colours and a simple eye-catching idea. However, I'm not a fan of the blue and white background behind the title. I personally think it would look better if the title lay on top of the top picture.

Description: 2/5

Your description lacks information, all it tells the reader is that it is a collection of short stories that you wrote. I would like a bit more incite into what is in store. The description is the first thing your possible reader will read about your book- make sure to sell your concept here!

The two sentences you wrote in the first chapter of the book would work beautifully as your description!

Grammar: 4/5

You've asked me to look at your grammar and sentence structure. So I made a point to read through your short stories a few times to look closer to find any places where improvement may be needed. This proved to be very difficult. You are a very polished writer!

Story 1: The only things I found were:

You made a little slip with your speech tags at one line of dialogue:

"Where were you all this time?" She asked"- the "S" on should be a lower case letter as the speech tag is still part of the sentence. The question mark you are using only dictates that she is asking a question rather than marking the end of the sentence.

And the sentence- "The headache was getting worse." Although this does make sense, I would word it "Her headache was getting worse." To make it flow better with the rest of the paragraph.

Story 2: The only issues I found was with speech.

" "Don't worry, she'll come back after a while," "- the comma at the end should be a full stop because the next part that you wrote was a separate sentence.

Also " "Sadie!" She called out loud."- the "S" should be a lower case letter because the speech tag is part of the same sentence.

In both stories you structured your sentences in the most effective way! The way you formed them dictated the pace and rhythm which helped me (the reader) get sucked into your storytelling and truly get on board with your main characters!

Plot: 5/5

Story 1: What a gorgeous title! After reading the story a few times I couldn't wish for a better title- its basically the story summed up in three words! Fabulous! A wonderfully paced narrative, showing the inner workings of a woman's deep hurt feelings of betrayal and also denial. It moved in an authentic rhythm starting sweetly where Sasha comes across as optimistic and so likeable! I fell in love with her instantly! When her pain was exposed I truly felt for her. The story left me wanting to reach out for her and curse Kevin out!

Story 2: Again, a brilliant title! A rollercoaster of emotion communicated incredibly well. I felt deeply for Gina. Her thought processes were so authentically written, I identified with her so easily. What an ending! I didn't expect that at all! (That is all I'm saying, no spoilers here!)

Writing Style: 5/5

Story 1: This story looked wonderful on the page! Such a clever layout! I especially liked how you included the time on Sasha's clock- marking the last minutes she had to wait for her husband to return home.

The use of italics was also very effective, somehow they made Sasha's sarcastic thoughts seem even more sarcastic (if that makes sense).

Story 2: Again, a beautifully laid out piece of writing! So pleasing to the eye. Your use of imagery is wonderful, it helped paint a picture in my mind. I felt like I was walking alongside her!

You included a wonderful pattern of highs and lows of mood, which caused me to feel like I was on an epic adventure (despite that she was just walking on her farm).

OVERALL SCORE: 20/25

You are a very clever writer. It is clear from each story that you know exactly where your story is going and you know exactly how you'll get the reader there with you! That is talent! Also, to be able to inspire such emotion in such a small amount of words is truly commendable! Well done! And thank you so much for asking me to review your incredible work.