The Cardinal of Sin

Omakes

Number 1 - From Chapter 1

"We also sell invisible barf bags..."

Idea: PervySageChuck
Writing: Jade Tatsu/PervySageChuck

-cos-

Slane Theocracy, Kami Miyako

Olufemi made sure she walked carefully this morning. The entire city was on edge. Of course it was. They had all been woken up by the scream this morning. It was cold and harsh. The voice had grated upon the souls of all. She could tell that, because around her there were many people making their way to the Cathedral, far more than usual.

There were the normal ones. Those who always went for the alms that were given out each day, but this was abnormal. There were hundreds streaming towards the six cathedrals commonly known as God's Houses. She could see Uttarn there. He was a thug. His short sword was on his back. Most of the time he forgot to use it. He preferred his fists, but even he was heading towards the church. They all felt the need this morning.

A flutter from the corner of her eye caught her attention. Olufemi wasn't the only one to see it, and she looked up. There was something falling from the sky. It didn't look hard. It looked almost like a leaf, but she realised it was paper. Thousands of them. She looked around. It was difficult to tell given that the buildings were all two stories but as far as she could see there were papers everywhere. She took a few steps forward, and peered into an alley. The length of straight street let her see further. Yes, the papers were everywhere.

Several fluttered down around her. Olufemi leaned down to pick one up. There was writing on it, accompanied by a sketch of something... The sketch was crude but she couldn't tell what it was of. She strained her memory. She had been taught to read. She didn't make much of it. It was a skill that was useful but she had to be careful. Most men in the slums didn't like to think a woman was better than them.

She peered at the writing.

What the hell did Emporium mean? She understood the rest of the first sentence though. 'General Store' were words she'd seen often enough but there were lots more under it and she didn't recognise all of them.

There were others reading, and several were doing so aloud. Olufemi moved towards one who appeared to be confident of his dictation, though his voice was laced with disbelief.

"Come on down to Ol' Pervy's Emporium and General Store," the man read, holding the paper high. He knew he was gathering an audience. Even having the man read it, she still didn't know what Emporium meant though.

"We have a huge supply of the latest magically enhanced protective underwear, guaranteed to prevent any sudden loosening of the bladder or bowels from leaking out!"

Huh? What? This was an ad? Well, that sort of made sense given that the first line was about a store but an ad for underwear? But why would anyone need something to prevent the loosening of the bladder? The man continued reading.

"Wearing Ol' Pervy's underwear will save you from severe embarrassment due to the unbelievable fear caused by any sudden appearance of the Supreme Being or any of his Guardians from the Sorcerous Kingdom! Guaranteed, or your money back*."

So far Olufemi was following it but she did wonder what the small mark beside the word was for. She could look into that later. The man read on.

"We have all sizes! From petite Evileye size to our extra-extra-large Martial Lord model!

"Captain Nigun swears by their effectiveness. 'Wearing Ol' Pervy's Underwear has saved this miserable wretch from many shameful incidents, especially that time I was stupid enough to raid Carne Village!'"

Olufemi frowned. Nigun was the name of the Sunlight Scripture's Captain, except he was dead. The Theocracy didn't want to admit it but someone had taken out the Scripture. Of course, in the Capital that didn't mean much. They still had the Black Scripture but something like that reverberated through every layer of the Theocracy.