Losing My Way (A Brian May fanfiction)

In the Lap Of the Gods

"Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been two years since my last confession."

I spoke to the screen partition separating my booth from my waiting priest- folding my hands and closing my eyes in preparation for my confessional.

"Child of god, are you truly remorseful for the sins you have committed?" The priest's voice inquires through the privacy screen, leading me to thought.

Am I sorry?

It's right to be sorry. I should be sorry.

I need to be sorry.

"Yes Father," I reply.

"Tell me, child- what sins have you acted upon?"

I gulped. I knew this was coming, but I still felt petrified to admit all I've done wrong out loud- to my priest, to God, and to myself.

"Father, I've dishonored my parents by lying and going against their word.

I've used foul language, and have taken the lord's name in vain.

I've harmed my body with the use of alcohol and cigarettes.

I've dressed and behaved without modesty- and I've listened to music that mocked Christ."

My nerves flare up as I aim to admit to my final, mortal sin.

"And Father, I have engaged in acts of sex with myself, and with another man- as well as freely and deliberately entertained impure thoughts."

I finish, nearly shaking from anxiety.

"Do you fully, and completely reject the sins in which you've confessed?" He asks.

My mind betrays me with a quick flash of a memory- the sight of Brian sinking his teeth into my thigh as his fingers hypnotized my core- his earth colored eyes exuding pure, unadulterated lust for me.

I suck in a breath of mildewy church air, frightened from the amount of excitement the small memory had caused within me.

"Y-yes," I stutter. "I fully reject them."

"I ask that you recite the act of contrition at this time," he commands, sobering me from my erotic vision.

Opening my eyes, my shaky fingers fumble for a paper in the wall folder that bore the act of contrition- something I should know by heart, but don't. I focus on the words printed before me.

"O my God,
I am heartily sorry for having offended you,
and I detest all my sins,
because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell; but most of all because they offend you, my God,
Who are all good and deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve,
with the help of your grace,
to confess my sins,
to do penance,
and to amend my life.
Amen."

I bring my eyes up from the page, waiting for him to asses what I'd need to do to be back in God's good graces.

"Upon this your confession, and in the stead, and by the command of my Lord Jesus Christ- I forgive you of all your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

I preform the sign of the cross, just as he probably had on the other side of the wall.

"You will go to pray in the pews with your rosary beads," he instructs, revealing the things I'd need to do for penance. "Review the following passages: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Ephesians 6:1-3-"

He rambled on- passage after passage designed for me to read, as I hurriedly scribbled them down in my agenda, afraid to miss a single one and destroy my forgiveness.