Red or Alive: Zombiestuck

Chapter One: The Meet and Greet

WARNING: This story will contain graphic violence, sexual themes, and a lot of shitty puns. All "smut" chapters will be posted to a different story for those of you who want to skip them, but the link will be provided for the people who would like to read them.

Also, please note that the story does not just belong to me, given that it is very strongly based off a 40+ hour RP session that is still going on! All respected characters belong to Andrew Hussie, and the plot belongs to basically everyone who has participated in the RP session. A special shout-out to Axel, who played Dave, and his girlfriend Maddy! Also thanks to my roomies Jake and Raven, who played Jake and Dirk! Without these folk's support, this wouldn't have happened!

You're name is Karkat Vantas, and if there is one thing that you know to be true, it is that this fucking sucks. Although you have never been one to back down from a fight, you seem to be in a bit of a predicament here. First of all: you don't want to get hurt. Second of all: you don't want to get bit. So what does that add up to?

Stay to the shadows and don't be seen.

Pretty simple, right? 

Haha - no. Not in the Apocalypse. Not where there's a barely thin line from being stealthy to being killed. You wince as you nearly walk onto a small pile of gravel at the edge of the dusty town road. If you so much as kicked a stone there's no doubt a walker would fuck your day up. 

You grip your sickles tightly, hoping to God or whatever stupid fucking person decided to create this asshole-planet that you will not be seen, before heading out onto the open street. And perhaps God pulled through this time, because to your luck there is not a single survivor, nor walker, lumbering down the road with an appetite for short and angry trolls. You sigh with relief and walk down the street, still not daring to stop glancing around you in a futile attempt to watch ever corner and dark alley that you stroll by.

After a while of jogging down the road, you find that your barely useful and very weak body begins to protest against your endeavors of making actual fucking progress through the city, and you begin to pant like a woofbeast. Sighing, you decide to take a rest behind a pile of rubble near the corner of a street, and you do so, leaning your head against the concrete and breathing in heavily. 

"I swear to Gog that shelter those assholes told me about better be here somewhere." you whisper to yourself. Oh, yes, the shelter. Perhaps you, the reader, were wondering why the actual fuck you, as Karkat, are wandering through an infested city on your own during the Apocalypse? Well, let me tell you, there is a good reason. A few weeks ago - perhaps a month or two - you came across a group of especially stuck up survivors who granted you access into their ranks. You, Karkat, stayed for a few nights, letting them leech of your supplies and cling onto you like lost woofbeast puppies, until finally you snapped, stating that if they didn't pull their shit together, you'd lead. And of course, they didn't, so you opted to make your way into the city after one of them indulged that some asshole was living there in a store that was barricaded in, packed to the brim with supplies. Some thought it was a legend - that such a kid existed, living off of years worth of food and water all to himself, and others believed it, but either way, you packed up your things and left, heading to the city on the whim of some fucking fairy tale of a kid with supplies up the butt. 

The moral of that story? There is no moral. Just don't fucking get into the Apocalypse. That's all.

Your thoughts are very rudely, and very abruptly, cut off when something hard hits you on the top of the head lightly and bounces off your thick skull. You look down and watch as a bottle cap clatters to the ground lightly, and frown. What the fuck? Is it raining bottle caps now? Looking upwards with narrowed eyes, your suspicions are put to rest when you see a figure leaning forwards on the roof of the building behind you. You pause, unsure what to do. You can't even tell if it's a zombie or a survivor from down here. Sighing, you lift yourself up a bit, calling out in a harsh whisper, "Friend or foe?"