Destiny Tales

Chapter 23 : Future

"I don't want this," Khushi said.

These words came right after she told Kabir that the test was positive. Kabir is confused. Did he hear it right? Did Khushi just say that she doesn't want to keep this bubble of happiness that they conceived together? He is silent. He is unable to process the series of thoughts running through his mind.

A maze both of them are in. One that keeps running on and on, without the end in sight. The moment they see that there is an end near, it turns to another blocked end. What should they do? What should he do? Kabir is unable to speak, even though Khushi teary eyes seek answers in his blank eyes.

"I respect your decision Khushi, but do you not want to give this a thought?" Kabir says. She is silent and trying to find words. How can she. Can she ever find the right ones? Can she ever say the right thing? She has her career. She doesn't want to become a mother at this juncture of her life and she really wants to be with Kabir. But she doesn't want to make this big amendment to her future, just because she wants them to be together. Can she? She wants him to understand.

Kabir asks her to take a night off and think things through and then they can talk the next day. She agrees, half heartedly. That night, they lay on opposite sides of the bed. Both awake. Both looking at the other side. For once, this represents their life right now. Both of them together, in the strongest possible way, yet both wanting different things from each other.

Kabir finally decides. He will convince her. He cannot let her do this. This is their future. This is his last chance to envision a future that has hope. Till now, he had nothing to hold on to. He cannot express his happiness, his joy, his love. He wants to hug her tight and tell her that she gave him the world with this news. Not the decision she is battling. But the reason for this decision to take birth in her mind. Khushi, on the other hand, is adamant. She knows that this is her decision, solely. She has nothing to hold on to. And this will further push her down. If she decides to go on with this. She has no career to speak of. She cannot depend on him. She needs to be independent. And she is not. Not financially. Not emotionally. She has always sought an anchor. No matter what she would like to believe. She has always needed someone. She knows this now. It is beautiful. This self-realisation. She is seeing things clearly now.

Her relationship with Ahir was purely out of this need for support. She abused this bond with him. She led him on in many ways. Now she needs to make amends. She has to tell him the truth. That she knew all along, and she chose to go on with their bond, their friendship, just because she is afraid of being alone. She realised how Kabir made her weak. His turbulent life made her entire foundation shaky. She doesn't blame anyone though. She blames herself. She knows that she became so hollow from within, because of the love she deserved from him, but she received less. Can she blame Kabir though? She cannot. He kept coming to her. But she kept allowing him. Now that everything is fine between them, she has another storm brewing up. How does she end up like this everytime there's a sliver of hope? She is cursed, she decides. And it needs to stop. She needs this to stop. She needs Kabir to understand. That she needs to fall in love with herself again. That she needs to know how to live by herself. Only then can she truly try to be with someone else. She decides. She will convince him tomorrow. He loves her truly. And he will understand, she consoles her trembling heart.

The morning sees both of them waiting for the other to speak. The one who speaks first will have to say the truth, out loud. Finally, she speaks up. "Kabir, you know I love you. And I always will. But I want you to tell me that you will be there for whatever decision I take. I want this for us. But not now Kabir. We will have this future for sure. But not now," she concludes amidst sobs.

Kabir is silent. He fumbles with the keys lying on the table. Silently, he looks up, with tears in his eyes, and says, "Khushi, if this is what you want, so be it. But I can't be with you in this decision. It's either this, or nothing. I won't be able to live with you if we go ahead with this. I am a coward perhaps. But I cannot be with you like this. I will never be able to love you like I did, if you go through with your decision."

Fair enough. Khushi decides. She had an inkling that this would happen. She had already made a plan B. She realises how things had changed overnight. The sleepless night made her carve many plans. What ifs had been plaguing her mind, and she knew how to battle every odd that might come her way. This was an odd she had prepared for. Luckily, life didn't outwit her, this time. She silently gets up and leaves the duplicate keys she had, on the table. She goes back to her apartment and decides to take a long shower.

As the scalding hot water touches her skin, it erupts a volcano of emotions. Her tears are as dense as the water that flows around her body. She is slowly realising what has just happened. She was prepared for it sure, but she still needs to process this. What does she do now? She has to go through a difficult time. She knows that. Emotionally, physically, she has to be strong to endure the pain she is going to experience in the next couple of days. She is finally realising the mess she is in. How could she be so careless. She never was this careless. What was it about their relationship that made her so careless? No, not careless. Carefree, perhaps. But now is not the time to seek such answers. She will have plenty of time to find these answers. Now is the time to act.

She dials up the clinic and takes an appointment. They have strictly asked her to come with a friend or a relative, and not alone. Funny. She is all alone, and she is for once, prepared to be. Yet, circumstances always force her to seek support. She dials up the number of that one person she knows will be by her side through thick or thin.

Ahir patiently listens to everything. Khushi is sobbing, yet Ahir isn't comforting her. He decides that she needs to cry her heart out and then help her in whatever way possible. He comes to pick her up and the ride is eerily silent. He looks at her with a question in his eyes. Are you sure? His eyes seem to ask hers. She looks at him and looks out. The answer in her eyes seems to say, I don't know.

As they reach the clinic and wait for their turn to see the doctor, Ahir excuses himself for a phone call he is about to receive. A producer, he says. They still have fifteen minutes, and Khushi nonchalantly asks him to take it.

Ahir goes out, away from Khushi's line of vision. He dials up Kabir, and says, "We need to talk."