𝐃𝐚𝐰𝐬𝐨𝐧|𝟑| [𝟏𝟖+] ✔

Chapter 18

THEO

"It's okay, buddy," I whisper, lifting Teddy up, his small arms wrap around my neck and lay his head on my shoulder.

He woke me up crying, rubbing his eyes while he stood next to the bed. I didn't want to wake Zara, so I lay down next to him in his own bed, his arms still around me while his eyes started to get heavy again.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around. I need you and mummy to be safe, so I need to go away again for a little while." My voice breaks at the end, choking me, biting down on my cheek, my lip quivering while I stare into eyes identical to my own. "I promise I'll find you again."

I thought I had it under control, the rage. But as soon as she muttered those words, the same words I heard on repeat for hours, the same tone, same face, I was the one in the video. I was the one on her, forcing myself on her, making her scared, cry, scream. It's all I could hear, her screams ringing my ears while the slight echoed voice of the real Zara trying to help me.

I still stand by what I said hours ago, I will kill them all. I have each of their deaths planned out, each face is still clear in my mind, and I know exactly which one did the most damage to my girl.

Kerr the little prick.

But there's only one person I know that can talk me out of it, someone who isn't Zara. I need to go to his room and make him talk me down, tell me to shut the fuck up and go to Scotland with my family.

What if they try to find her?

What if Kerr manages to get his rotten hands on Teddy?

If I wipe them all off the planet then I won't need to worry about this shit, and I can just be fucking happy. I can give them both a good life, keep them safe, give them a roof over their heads and live.

I know once we're secure in life, Zara will want more kids. She'll want a big wedding with bagpipes and kilts, a career, a normal life. And me being so smitten with the girl, I'd give her it all in a heartbeat.

Once Teddy has fallen asleep again, I slowly unwrap myself from his octopus arms, kiss him far too many times on the forehead, eyes wet, taking deep breaths and silently promising that I'll do whatever I need to do to keep him safe. Always.

Ever since he was born, I've been absent, and I don't want to be that type of dad. I want him to look up to me, be a good role model, be everything he needs me to be.

But I can't do that with these demons in my head, driving me into a mental battle, lashing out, hitting things. I can't be someone even close to the way my dad was.

I need to avenge my lass, permanently. I need everything around us to stop trying to tear us apart.

I carefully tuck a strand of Zara's hair away from her face, crouching down next to her side of the bed, her arm hooked under the pillow and the other lying across my side of the bed, relaxed, lying on her front. I sigh. "I love you, Zara Bell Coulter. Enough to go against the world to keep you safe," I whisper, the corner of my mouth tugging, running the pad of my thumb along her cheek bone. "Please forgive me, baby."

She lifts her head slightly, moving it to face away from me, groaning and shifting herself under the bed covers. Part of me wanted her to wake, to tell me to stop acting like some he-man and give up the soldier act. The other part wants her to stay asleep and to understand why I need to do this.

I could never tell her about the video, the horrid acts that were done to her. She looked out of it enough that I'm confident that she doesn't remember it, and I'm glad. She doesn't need this shit haunting her, something that would be one hundred times worse than how I feel right now.