Embrace the Suck (Bad, #1)

Final Chapter

"I know the reason why you were with them is because you were sad and you were seeking for affection... something that we could also be blamed for," he said with regret shadowing his face. He looked at a different direction. "You don't know the number of times I was tempted to be that guy for you but I knew I was just as undeserving, especially when I couldn't even tell you the truth."

"I snapped when that last douche boy cheated on you. I'm still undeserving but I couldn't take seeing you with someone else any longer." Napalitan ng iritasyon ang mukha niya. His jaw clamped. After a few seconds, his expression softened. Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa akin. Inabot niya ang kamay ko. "I fell for you and you didn't know me then. If it was really just guilt, I would have left you alone, but it wasn't. I was selfish and I couldn't stay away from you."

My heart squeezed so tight that it feels like it's going to explode any second. His effect on me was undeniable. Pakiramdam ko nga ay mas lumalalim pa ito ngayon. I'm deeply in love him. That's the truth and it will never change. I love him too much to not forgive.

Other than omitting the truth, he'd always been there for me, silently watching over me like a dark angel. Kahit na hindi ko alam ay binabantayan niya ako.

How can I not forgive him? Alam kong ako rin ang mahihirapan kung pipigilan ko ang sarili na patawarin siya. We can have our fresh start with no secrets and no lies between us.

I slowly nodded. "Is that all?"

"I..." Binitawan niya ang kamay ko. He bit his lip. Napapikit siya at medyo napamura sa sarili. "I may have... threatened some of your exes."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "What?"

Saint's face flushed. He looked so embarrassed. "I warned them... that if they're not serious with you, then they should just leave."

Umuwang ang labi ko sa bagong nalaman. For the past years, I thought there's something wrong with me, kaya palagi akong iniiwan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko.

"I'm sorry." His face scrunched in pain. "Hindi dapat ako nakialam. It was out of line and I shouldn't have done it, even if I had good intentions. I'm an asshole."

It's true. It wasn't his business, but then if my exes really loved me or truly wanted to be with me, a warning from a stranger shouldn't have fazed them. In the end, it was still their choice. Saint's confession only made me realize one thing; the problem wasn't with me after all. It was with them. They didn't leave because I wasn't worth loving, they chose to leave because they were undeserving. 

If anything, Saint did me a favor. He made me dodge a lot of bullets. Thinking about it now, I regret searching for love in the wrong people when what I should have done is love myself better. My self-worth took the most hit. I shouldn't have let my insecurities consume me whole. It took me a long time and I learned hard and slow, but it's not too late.

"What are you thinking, baby?" Saint croaked. He anxiously licked his lips. His eyes searched my face for any hint of my thoughts. 

I bit my lower lip. Tinitigan ko lang siya at hindi sumagot agad. Fear and longing swirled in Saint's dark brown eyes as it gazed at me. It was silently pleading, trying to weaken my resolve.

My eyes dropped to his lips. It was a reddish curve of temptation. I swallowed a bit before slowly leaning closer to him. Saint's brows met, confused at what I was doing. Hindi siya gumalaw, parang inaabangan lang ang plano kong gawin.

I held my breath as I lifted myself up. Nakadilat pa siya nang ipikit ko ang mga mata. My heart soar when I claimed his soft lips. I didn't move my lips and cherished the feel of his lips on mine. I began to suckle on his upper lips, just tasting a bit. He tasted like heaven. I moved to his lower lip next before swiping my tongue on his lips. Saint groaned and did my bidding by slightly opening his mouth.