Embrace the Suck (Bad, #1)

Chapter Thirty-Four

"Kenna, lunch?" I heard Oli say.

My eyes averted from the screen. I glanced up to see my friend standing by our cubicle. Umalis ito kanina dahil nautusan na sumama sa isang site. I was left in the office and was instructed to organize the files in CDs for today.

He's wearing raybans and fanning himself with a folder. Mukhang initan na initan. Lalo na at longsleeves ang suot niya at slacks. I can relate dahil last time ay ako ang pinasama sa isang supplier naman.

Ngumiti ako at tumango. "Okay. Wait."

I locked my computer first and got my phone and bag. Tumayo na ako at habang naglalakad patungo sa elevator ay nagtipa ng mensahe para kay Mama para i-update siya.

I've been doing it for the past weeks at kahit na mahigit tatlong linggo na ay natutuwa pa rin ako kapag sumasagot siya sa akin. I just updated her kapag papasok na ako ng work, tuwing lunch time, at pagkauwi ng bahay. She always replies.

Papatayin ko na sana ang phone ko nang dumating ang isang mensahe mula kay Saint. Napahinto ako sa paglalakad at napasinghap.

Saint:
Good afternoon. Don't forget to eat your lunch.

I bit my lip. Hindi ito ang unang beses na nagpadala siya ng text message. He's been consistently at it since that night... kahit na hindi naman ako sumasagot sa kanya. He'll just constantly greet me goodmorning, update me on what he's doing, and text me goodnight.

Simula nung huling maikling pag-uusap namin ay nagsimula na siyang magparamdam sa texts. He never missed waiting outside my house every morning. Other than that, hindi niya naman ako kinukulit. He's content with just being around, even if I'm ignoring him.

I don't know what's stopping me from talking to him. Humupa naman na kahit papaano ang galit sa puso ko... and I still love him, no doubt, pero pakiramdam ko ay hindi pa tama na makipag-ayos sa kanya at hindi ako sigurado kung magiging tama pa 'yon.

He's involved with my father's death. Will it be okay for me to be with him? Will I be able to forgive him? Will my father be able to forgive me if I want to be with him?

I had an overview of the truth behind his presence in my life for the past years. He was guilty at first, that's a given, but he also said he loves me. He was with me because he's in love with me and not because of guilt.

Hindi ko alam kung mali... pero naniniwala ako sa kanya. I felt it. He loves me. The past months that we were together, he made me feel loved—but a part of me was still scared. A bigger part of me was still not ready.

"Kenna," Oli called when he realized I've stopped walking. My eyes raised to him. Nasa tapat na siya ng elevator at tumunog na 'yon hudyat ng pagbukas.

Itinago ko ang phone at humakbang na patungo sa direksyon niya. My steps halted when I saw a familiar face stepping out of an elevator. It was like I was struck by lightning and the loud thunder from a distant memory reverbrated in my head.

I remember his face. Vaguely, but I remember him. It helps that he looks very much like Saint. Nang huminto siya nang makita ako at bumagsak ang ngiti sa mga labi niya ay alam kong tama ako sa naiisip.

He's Shiloh. Saint's older brother. The irresponsible person behind the steering wheel; the cause of the accident; the reason why my father died.

Sa reaksyon niya pa lang ay alam ko na agad na kilala niya ako. Tulad ko ay na-estatwa rin siya at nanatili ang tingin sa akin.