Who He Is(A Trans!Alex AU)

Chapter Dix-sept

Short chapter- sorry everyone! Didn't want to bore you too much lol

•••••

I smiled as I played with the soft locks of John's honey-blond hair, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he slept. For whatever reason, this didn't feel weird or strange in any way.

It was... right.

But it was just as right with Thomas.

I sighed as the thoughts raced through my head, retracting my hand from John's hair and resting it on his forearm.

I need to tell them.

•••••

I paced back and forth across the carpeted floor of my bedroom.

What do I even say to him? How do I know I won't just freeze up? What if I cry?!

I realized my palms were sweating. Gross.

Taking a deep breath, I shook off the dread and took a seat on the edge of my bed, trying to calm my racing heart.

Then the bell rang.

Immediately, I felt myself hyperventilating, praying to whatever god is out there that it wasn't for me.

Heavy footsteps- clearly dad's- stopped in front of the door before it was opened. In my half-panicked state, I couldn't make out any words being exchanged, only the pleasantly surprised tone of my adoptive father.

Suddenly, James was opening my bedroom door. "What?" I snapped, surprised by my own tone.

James frowned.

"I'm sorry- I'm a little stressed right now. What is it?" I amended.

My brother gestured behind himself vaguely. "It's for you."

Fuck.

You see, I had invited Thomas over under the pretense of needing to talk. I do need to talk to him- that wasn't a lie. What was a lie, however, is that it's not a big deal. It is a huge deal. At least, to me. I had to talk to him about how I feel.

How I think I feel.

Ugh- why is it so hard to just... know? Why can't I have some preconceived notion of who I am and what I'm supposed to be and who I'll fall in love with like some cheesy soulmate fanfic?

I have to tell him. I can't hide it anymore. After that night spent taking care of John I realized that I couldn't keep on living in silence- even if it doesn't go well, even if I lose my friends because of it, I have to tell them.

I took another breath as I got up. "Is it Thomas?"

"Yeah. 'S that ok?"

"You know I hate when you slur your words like that," I scolded.

I received a light punch in the shoulder as James rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close and scruffing up my hair.

"Hey! I have to look presentable to talk to my friend, thanks!"

"Oh because you don't look like a hot mess any other time of the day," James said sarcastically as he released me.

"Yeah, well, this time is important," I sighed.

"Alright alright- go get your bestie or whatever."

I smiled a real smile. Having James around could be a great distraction- especially in a stressful situation.

Gathering up all of my courage, I pushed my brother out of my room and marched to the front door.

Thomas gave me a crooked smile. "Hello, Darlin," he nodded.

"Hi," I swallowed the lump in my throat, forcing myself to continue. "Come in- we should probably go somewhere private for this," I said quietly. A hum of acknowledgment was all I needed to start back toward my room.

Thomas didn't hesitate to follow.

Once we were inside, I took a seat on my bed. The taller male sat beside me.

"So, what's up?" He asked patiently.

I exhaled after a beat of silence, then tried: "Well, um, Thomas, you and I have been friends for a few months now and I just... I think I've... um. So I guess what I'm trying to say is I-"

You know how I said I tried to tell him? Yeah. See, I would have told him, but then he was pressing his lips against mine and the words died on my tongue.

•••••
Word count: 676
Ahhhh they finally had their first kiss!!! I'm so happy for them😄
Lol anyway- sorry for the inactivity- things have been stressful but now that everything's calmed down I'm back, baby!
As much as I love you guys, I'm a sucker for a cliffhanger- I couldn't resist!
Thank you so much for reading- I'll see you in the next chapter- have a great day/night- byyyyyye