60- Can We Talk About This

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First day on the job, I gotta get up early. Pfft, nah. I'll just wake up when Laurance does, that'll do.

I was awake, but that did NOT mean I was ready to get out of bed. I rolled over and slumped onto my front, extending my arm in hopes to find Laurance, but he wasn't there.

Oh shit, did he already get up?

Lmao, no. My short-lived panic attack was soon shot down after finding him sleeping on the floor. I snorted at the sight and actually sat up, not really being that sleepy anymore. I hit Laurance with a pillow, "Wake the fuck up dumbass, you fell off the bed."

He moaned and yanked himself up by holding the bed, his head poking out the top. "Morning," he muttered.

I leaned sideways across the bed, so my face was just centimetres opposite from him. "How'd you sleep?" I teased.

He awkwardly backed up and began to get ready. "It was alright." he said, ignoring my joke.

"Oh," I replied, sitting at the bottom of the bed quietly.

"Hey, y/n?" He asked nervously, adding the finishing touches to his armour.

"Yeah?" I answered, matching his tone.

"I... Need to tell you something." He admitted, sort of mumbling.

"W-what would that be?" I asked back anxiously, with him joining me at the end of the bed.

"You've been acting weird for a few days," I added while looking at him.

He gazed back at me, but only briefly as he tried to avoid eye contact.

"You can tell me anything, you know? I've not often been honestly mad at you, at anyone in that case. What's on your mind?"

He stayed silent, watching his hands they they fidget. I feel like I'm telling off a child for eating a chocolate bar before dinner.

"Laurance?" I spoke softly, breaking the silence but not the atmosphere.

"At the party," his voice was quivering and he clenched his fists.

"The one I missed?"

He nodded. Taking a breathe and only being able to utter out one word, "Lucinda..."

I already knew where this was going. It's a little bit more than simply eating a chocolate bar. But if he doesn't actually tell me, I won't actually know anything for certain. I'm probably just jumping to conclusions. Without properly thinking, I stood up and gleefully changed the subject, "Well, you better get to work! I'll get ready and catch up with you later."

"But my shift doesn't start for a while,"

"Start early. Garroth been up most of the night, I'm sure he'd appreciate an early switch."

"Y/n, can we talk about this?" he asked desperately.

"There's nothing to talk about," I told him joyfully, "who knows, you might get a raise. That would be good for the house 'n all."

"I don't think we should ignor-"

He stopped himself when he sees me opening the door for him to leave.

He sighed out of defeat and walked away, closing the door behind him and without speaking another word.

The sound of the door clicking shut was like a trigger to my tear ducts. I don't know why, but I just sat down in front of the door, hugging my knees and silently letting the water glide down my cheeks and drip onto the floor, as if I was peirced in the heart, watching nonchalantly as the blood drip onto the floor.

The silence just made it worse.

Times like these I'd hold onto my scarf for comfort, like he was there with me. But Cadenza never gave me it back, which just ended up making me feel more lonely. Who can I even go to?

I tried to stop, he never actually told me - I didn't want to listen - so it never actually happened, right?

I didn't bother to dry my eyes, and the harder I tried to control my breathing the worse I got. I grinned through the teardrops, maybe smiling can stop whatever this feeling is. I've never tried doing that before, so it could work.

It will work.

Right?

But, it's not his fault, I can't blame him. He was drunk, she was drunk, I wasn't there. If I was there... If I was good enough this would've never happened. It's my fault, no one else's. I should have just put up with another gut-turning trip and picked up the shield the next morning. I should've been there with him. If I was good enough, he wouldn't of wanted to do whatever he did.

Little did I know, Laurance was still on the other side of the door, he was listening to me sob. He didn't know what to do. Should he open the door and attempt to comfort me? Should he leave and carry on with his day? Should he sit at the opposite side of the door and cry with me? He didn't know. He just stood there, frozen, listening to me. It was the first time he didn't know what to do with me, so he did nothing.


Soryy guys I had family round so I couldn't update

My bad

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