My Secret Longing

Expecting the unexpected

A month went by after Raul had gone to Japan. And to my surprise, he didn't try to talk with me after I blocked his number. I knew it was intentional because Raul would have definitely contacted me by any means if needed. Deep down, I had a nagging feeling that something was about to happen but couldn't figure out what. And I deliberately avoided thinking about him because I missed him. I berated myself for going and falling for an unfeeling bastard who always hurt me one way or the other.

One day in the embassy, I was called by Mr. Mishra. I thought it was on an official matter, but the look on his face said otherwise. After long consideration, he said, " Bhavishya, there is an issue regarding you and Raul .it has actually escalated to a higher level. The video of Raul and Saito fighting in our embassy somehow leaked, and the japan government has asked our ministry to look into the issue. So I will have to assign you to a bench job in Delhi till the issue dies down."

I immediately understood what he meant, so I calmly asked, "If I hadn't had any relationship with Raul, it wouldn't have happened, so indirectly they are saying everything happened because of my conduct." He looked pleadingly before saying. "Bhavishya, please understand that it's a procedure, not personal they just want to show that we had done something about it. We have to just let it die down, then we will reassign you to Portugal if you want."

I didn't know what to say to that immediately, so he gave me a week to decide. Because of the actions of those two immature idiots, I had lost my credibility. That night I thought about everything that happened in the past seven months to come to a decision. Even after thinking long and hard, I couldn't arrive at any conclusion, so I slept.

I didn't want to go to the embassy the next day. So took an absence and went out instead. I went to a park in the morning, went shopping, and finally to a supermarket near my house. I never went there as I didn't have time before. I usually sent Gabriel to get things if I was busy. I placed the things I got on the bill counter, saw that I forgot to get a toothbrush, so I turned suddenly to go towards the brush aisle, and that sudden action made me dizzy. I also didn't eat anything that morning as I was troubled about the future. So I slowly went and got the toothbrush, and my things were already billed by the time I returned. I asked to add the toothbrush to the bill and was about to pay when the man at the bill counter said something in Portuguese and pointed his hand behind me. I didn't use Portuguese that much after coming to Brazil. So it took me some time to figure out what he said. He actually said, " Your husband already paid the bill, " and pointed behind me. I was shocked and thought, "what husband? I didn't have a husband, " and quickly turned around to see who it was. Then everything went black.

When I gained consciousness. I was in my bedroom, and it was dark outside. I tried to remember, and suddenly it hit me that I had seen Raul and fainted in the supermarket. I was still hazy and couldn't form any coherent thoughts. I tried to get up but still felt dizzy, so I laid back again. Out of nowhere, Raul said, "Baby, please don't get up, wait, I am coming."

When he came and stood before the bed, I saw that he was talking to someone on the phone. I looked at him questioningly, so he cut the call and said, " Don't try to get up quickly. It will make you dizzy. The doctor gave you iv drips as you are weak and asked you to rest. If you need anything, tell me I will get it."

It was awkward. I didn't know what to say as I saw Raul after a month and he looked different with the beard and casual clothes. I had planned it in my head to give a piece of my mind when I saw him again, but nothing came out. And he looked troubled, so I asked, " Why are you looking at me like that? What's the matter?"

For the first time, I had seen him hesitate to say something. So I asked again," Raul, what is it ??". But never in my life could I have expected what he said," Baby, you fainted because you are pregnant." I simply froze after hearing that. I never considered that possibility at all. I didn't get my period, and I felt dizzy, but I had ignored all that signs. Raul then sat beside me and tried to shake me out of it.

I was busy worrying about all the other things I didn't even think about my periods. When the initial shock wore out, I saw that I was wearing only a short nighty, and I looked back at Raul accusingly. He furiously said, " Baby!!! Are you for real you are worried about me changing your clothes? I had seen it all already, and that's why you are pregnant. And you have many other things to worry about ."

I glared at him for raising his voice and sullenly asked, " Why are you yelling at me?" He looked even more furious than before and said, " I am yelling at you because I was terrified, you stupid woman. I was coming from the airport when I saw you enter that shop. What if I had not been there? What if you had fainted when you were crossing the road? "

What he said was true, so I kept my mouth shut after that. But he was not in the mood to stop complaining and continued, "You are definitely going to drive me to an early grave at this rate. Didn't you have any symptoms before? What were you doing at the store, and why didn't you eat?"

I had just got the shock of my life, was barely recovered, but that man wanted to irritate me more, so I resolutely said," You know what, go and wait outside. I will call you if I want anything." I then turned to the other side showing him my back and waited for him to go away. He made some movements, so I looked back over my shoulder to confirm that he had gone. But instead of going away, he laid down beside me and said," Baby, grunt and groan all you want, but I am sleeping here. And if you don't want me to do more than sleep, then adjust your dress." I hastily looked down and saw that it got hiked when I turned over and lowered it as much as I could. It only went up to my thighs and grudgingly said, " If you are that worried, then you should have picked something longer and, nobody asked you to sleep here."

" It had tiny mickey mouses and actually looked harmless in the closet, but on you, it looks sinful. You can't scold me for that. I am sleeping here, baby, and I am not going to make any move. If you are afraid that you can't keep your hands off me, say it, then I will sleep on the couch." I knew he was smirking behind my back, and that made me want to punch him in the face.

So I sharply said, "You were very descriptive about me when we spoke last time that I was desperate for a man's attention, that I liked Saito and I don't have a better choice than you, and you also insinuated that you did me a favor by sleeping with me. Why are you still here anyway I thought you had many women throwing themselves on you. And what if you had known I was pregnant back then, you would have asked if it was yours right ......." The moment I said those last words, I knew I had said too much. I didn't get to see his reaction as my back was to him.

But Raul turned me suddenly, so I lay flat on the bed and straddled me and pinned both my hands above my head with his one hand and with the other caught my chin and forced me to look at his face, which was just inches above mine and threateningly said, " Listen carefully Bhavishya I will never ever compare you with any women again. I should have never said things like that, and I am sorry for that. But you just did the same."

With that, he left the bedroom, closing the door angrily with a loud thud.