Hopelessly Human

5. Vampires Will Never Hurt You

"Yeah."

They glanced around the room.

"Wow," Dean and Natalia commented.

"Hm." Sam went to the bed and started flipping back the covers. He looked under a pillow and found a red laptop. "Aha. All right." He moved over to her desk. "Let's see what we can see. All right."

He turned on the laptop; it made a screaming noise and a picture of an intense-looking fake vampire popped up. The four flinched.

"Th-that's super... uncomfortable," Dylan said.

"What's HE so bummed about?" Dean wondered.

Sam started pressing keys and a password prompt popped up. Dean and Dylan looked down and saw a paperback book on the desk, entitled "My Summer Blood". The cover illustration was a teenaged girl in a white nightgown, asleep on a bed, while a pale-skinned, handsome male vampire stood next to the open, moonlit-soaked window, staring down at her.

"Look at this," Dean noted. "He's watching her sleep. How is that not rape-y?"

"I gotta concentrate, Dean," Sam told him.

Dean started flipping through the pages. Sam tried the password 'DRACULA' and the laptop made the screaming noise again.

Dean read from the book. ""He could hear the blood rushing inside her, almost taste it. He tried desperately to control himself..."" Sam tried another password, and the laptop screamed at him. ""... Romero knew their love was impossible-" Romero? Really?"

"Dean. Shut up."

"This is a national bestseller. How is that possible?" He picked up one of the vampire pillows. Sam tried another password and failed. "Hey, try, uh-" he thought a moment, "-"Lautner"."

Sam typed it in. "Wait -- he's a werewolf. How do you even know who that is? I'd expect Nat to know, but judging from the look she's giving me, she's just as surprised as me."

The laptop rejected the password. Sam started getting frustrated; Dean and Natalia mouthed "Wow" as he chucked the pillow back onto the bed.

"Hey, how many T's are there in "Pattis-"" the laptop accepted the password. "That's it. We're in! Ha!" He started looking through a Facebook-style page. "All right."

Dean and Natalia approached the desk again. "Well?"

"Well, her inbox is full, from some guy claiming to be a vampire."

"A real vampire?" Dylan asked.

"Well, uh... "I can only meet you at night... I don't trust myself with you... the call of your blood is too strong..." Vampires fishing for victims?"

"Probably just a human mouth-breather, right?" Natalia guessed.

"On the other hand -- talk about easy prey."

"For actual vamps," Dean stated.

"Yeah. I mean, these chicks are just throwing themselves at you. All you gotta do is... I dunno. Write bad poetry."

"Huh!"

"Wow. This guy wanted to meet her at a place called The Black Rose."

Dean and Natalia rolled their eyes. "Gimme a break..."

"Just reporting the news."

"It's probably just your standard-issue perv, right?" Dean guessed.

Sam closed the laptop.

EXT. ALLEYWAY - NIGHT

A white van rolled down the alley. A black SUV pulled in front of it, blocking the way. Several vampires in black coats jumped out. One pulled the driver from the white van while the others quickly unloaded the cargo -- white styrofoam coolers.