Hopelessly Falling [book 2]

Chapter Thirteen

"Thanks, Lay," Ashton said and she offered a smile back before leaving the room again.

I wiped a few more tears off of my cheeks as we walked up to Ashton's room. The usual dim lighting of the room felt good against my headache.

"Well, this was really not how I expected today to go," I admitted, sitting down on his bed. He sat next to me. "It still doesn't really feel real."

"It usually doesn't for a while," he said sympathetically. There was a long pause.

"I could have stopped this," I confessed, my heart physically breaking in two. Ashton brought his attention back up to me, but I kept looking down. "There were so many goddamn signs. She was broken, she was in need, and I could have talked her off the ledge and saved her or something but I didn't and now she's dead. She's dead because of me. First my father died because of me, and now Cassidy," I finally let myself cry. "And Connor's gonna grow up without a mom, dad, or grandpa. And when he asks me why I'll know it's all because of me."

"This is not your fault," Ashton told me, meaning it with his whole heart.

"I want to believe you. But I might as well have just told her to kill herself. I didn't care enough to notice what she was planning on doing," I continued. "I feel like everyone around me dies because of me."

"Crystal. You didn't make anyone do anything, ever. None of this is your fault," he tried to convince me, and I decided to just nod. I didn't want to keep saying the same thing over and over, that it was my fault.

We sat there for a little while longer, and I continued to try and somewhat suppress my tears. It wasn't until a few moments later that I realized Ashton was silently crying. I immediately disregarded my thoughts and hugged him, trying my best to comfort him.

"You know how you have PTSD with your dad?" He pulled away to ask, and I nodded. "The same thing happens to me when I think about what happened to my mom... and what caused it-" he cut himself off, not wanting to finish his thoughts.

"It's okay, it's okay, I got you," I told him gently as he hugged me back again tightly, crying into my shoulder. We stayed like this for a long time.

Once his crying died down, he pulled away and wiped his face off with his shirt.

"Fuck. I'm sorry," he apologized for crying, finishing wiping off his face and sniffling.

"Never apologize to me for feeling things, Ash. I mean it," I told him, reaching up and somewhat fixing his disheveled hair. "I'm gonna go check on Connor and say hi to Jake, and then I'll be right back," I said and he nodded with a weak smile. I leaned up and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips before leaving the room.

I made sure my face was wiped clean if any moisture as I approached the entrance to the living room. However, I stopped in my tracks when I saw Jake and Connor laughing together on the couch. I didn't want to interrupt them if they were having fun- so I figured I'd say hi to Jake later.

"Hey, Crystal," Layla caught my attention, coming out of the kitchen. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" She nodded towards the kitchen with a small smile, which I returned before walking with her into the kitchen.

"What's up?" I asked once I sat down on one of the wooden seats.

"Well, uh," she started, "I'm not sure how much Ashton has told you about the.. situation.. that went down with our mom, and well, I just kind of felt like I should probably tell you a couple things since this is such a touchy subject right now," she continued, and I looked at her expectedly as she sighed.

"Ashton was the one who found my mom," she told me, and I felt wildly taken aback, my heart breaking even more than it already was. "He was the last person to see her alive, and the only person to see her dead."