SWEETEST THING

십육 (16)

The next morning Vernon finds himself standing in front of Seungkwan's hospital room. A bouquet of pink roses in one hand and a paper bag filled with breakfast food on the other, And a hesitant look on his face.

He has been standing by the door, lost in his internal debate. A part of him feels like chickening out but then the other the part would scold him for being a coward. The talk with Seungcheol the previous night sure helped lessen the nerves but Vernon could not shake it off completely. Its like every emotion, It lingers both in the mind and his actions.

But what was Vernon nervous about in the first place? One word. Seungkwan. No, not the boy himself, but just the thought of facing the boy again after everything that happened. Vernon does not blame himself for the incident itself, but rather for letting Seungkwan go through it all. He couldn't stop blaming himself for what happened to Seungkwan.

He was not there when Seungkwan needed him the most and he hates himself for that. He felt like if he did more, he could've prevented Seungkwan getting kidnapped. You see, Vernon was on his way to pick up Seungkwan at the school when he realized he didn't have his phone with him, so he drove all the way back to his apartment and when he arrived at the school, the incident already happened.

Seungcheol later on called him to the station and as he drove there, both disbelief and shock starts to battle it out with him, both emotions lost when the self-blame finally steps in. Completely and successfully overshadowing all other emotions. He arrived at the station looking calm as ever, but that was just a facade. Deep inside he was drowning in self-blame who later on paired up with shame.

All throughout the operation, Vernon remained lost in his thoughts. Barely giving out any sign or glimpse of emotions, when he did, it was usually because Seungkwan is mentioned, then after hearing his boyfriend's name, both self-blame and shame would start dancing in his mind. It was a miracle that he managed to keep himself stable enough not to slip into a mental breakdown.

When he found Minhyun dead, Vernon's mind started to go haywire and he started to feel panic as one negative thought after the other fills his mind, and all he wanted at that time was to get to Seungkwan as fast as possible. Then everything that happened afterwards was a blur to Vernon. All he remember was the sounds of gunshots ringing in his ears then a thick cloud smoke filling the school.

Vernon only returned to his senses when his teammates started pulling him out of the building. Outside were ambulances and police cars everywhere. EMTs rushing into the building then later rushing out carrying a person in their gurneys. Vernon could only stand on the side and watch as more and more wounded people are wheeled out of the building.

He remember seeing Mingyu running in the speed of light the moment he saw an unconscious Wonwoo being wheeled out of the building. Mingyu had tears in his eyes as he held onto Wonwoo's hands. Then the two got on one of the ambulance and then said ambulance droves of the scene.

Next was Jeonghan who was also unconscious with a bloody shoulder and a serious looking Seungcheol trailing behind them. Jeonghan was put into another ambulance, an EMT asked if Seungcheol was coming with but the man only shook his head and took a step back. The EMT took that as a no and shuts the door close and just seconds after the ambulance left, Seungcheol sat down on the curb and for the first time, Vernon saw the older cry.

Then the last person was finally wheeled out of the building and Vernon felt his heart drop as he stared at Seungkwan's unconscious form. His eyes widening at the sight of Seungkwan's bloody torso then he felt the tears welling up. Suddenly his legs wouldn't cooperate with him and he stayed frozen on his spot, the emotion he only felt was utter disbelief.

They say seeing the person you love be hurt or being in pain, hurts you more. Vernon can definitely attest to that as he never felt so pained in his life until that time. In a way, it just proves that his love for Seungkwan is genuine and something worth cherishing. On the other hand, its an experience that will give Vernon nightmares for a while.