My Kind of Woman

34. State Of Dormancy

I just wanted to be away from Twin, far, far away. I wanted to finish my finals and go away to Canada, somewhere I thought would make it all easier. I thought the distance would make it more bearable, because then I couldn't run back and do something stupid, even if I wanted to. I'd be a broke student and in another country, trying to forget what had happened in my hometown.

A few hours into my sulking, the door knocked. Quite frantically. It startled me out of bed. I instantly thought of the worst, and the quite possible. I imagined it was Mr. Reed coming to beat the living daylight out of me for trying to seduce his wife, or just to cuss me out, or threaten me. I wasn't much of a fighter, as I've previously shown, and I wouldn't square up to him anyway. If I was going to be beat, I'd accept my defeat. She was unhappy with him and they didn't love each other, but above everything, he was her husband and I was not. That fact alone knocked me down a few notches, no matter how much I loved her.

I thought about ignoring the knocking, curling up tighter and hoping it would just go away. But it didn't. It got stronger, and I realised I just could not ignore it.

I sat up and leaned towards the window, tugging back the curtain slightly to see if his car was there. There was a car; a forest green sedan parked poorly on the dirt road, just past my gate, which was hanging open. I remembered Mio talking about the new car. Perhaps in a spontaneous moment of rage, he'd taken hers instead of his.

The door was still knocking.

So, I got out of bed, pulled on a hoodie over Jackie's stretched bed clothes and reluctantly moved for the front door. I was surprised he hadn't just barged in by then, I was surprised he hadn't come looking for me in the night. My knees were trembling when I twisted the knob, I was swallowing roughly against my retracting throat.

But it was her. It was Mio.

I inhaled so hard I choked and my bottom lip wobbled. She took a smooth step inside, and I flinched, thinking she was angry with me, but instead, she closed her arms around me and held my body to her. I had craved the comfort, I'd been craving it since I was thrown out of the house. I'd needed it. So, without hesitation, I buried my face in her neck and sighed shakily, holding her back, just as securely.

"What happened?" She whispered, stroking my hair, "tell me what happened, please."

"She knows," I said through a struggled breath, "and she knew it was you. She asked me about you, and I stalled with another question, but I think she'd already made her mind up. I just told her I couldn't lie. And, and, she threw me out. But I think I protected you. Oh God, I don't know. I never said we were together. I never said you felt the same. But she still reacted so badly. I - I don't know what to do."

She started to sway us gently, arms still around my body tightly, trying to calm me.

"I was so fucking scared. I still am. I'm so sorry, Mio, I'm sorry," I babbled. I was sure I was shaking, and I was sure she could feel it.

"Don't be sorry, you did what you could. But it's happened now, okay? It's out there. There's not much more we can do," she told me, mouth just beside my ear, still swaying me.

"You're not mad?"

I needed the reassurance. I was feeling incredibly vulnerable.

"Not at all," she said.

I suddenly felt very small and weak in her arms. But calmer than I had felt previously. "Do you still need me?" I asked softly.

"Of course I do. I'm here because I do." I could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke. It put me at ease. For a while, I wouldn't have anything to worry about.

-

I decided I would start working from home. Mio said she would stay, and told me the house can be lonely all day. She fell asleep on the sofa beside me whilst I was studying, just past midday, hair fluffed over my thigh and head by my hip. I knew she was worrying too, but she wanted to appear level-headed around me - especially when I'd been so anxious earlier on. But I didn't want her to feel isolated.

She was a bit of a distraction while I was trying to work, just by being there, but I didn't mind. I was the calmest I'd been in hours, and I was no longer fretting over what had happened the night before. I'd decided that we just wouldn't talk about it. Not until it was necessary. Also, Mio was very good at math, which came in handy when I got that textbook out.

After about an hour into her nap, Mio stirred, unfurled and stretched her arms over my lap like a lazy cat. I was so warm. She looked so pretty and so tired, hair tousled, eyes thin and still waking. A slit in the curtains allowed sunlight to filter in, striping shine across Mio's face. I put my textbook down on the floor by my feet and took Mio's hand, playing with her thin fingers.

"Your couch is very comfy," she said, her sleepy voice slightly raspy.

"And my leg?"

She laughed softly, rubbing her eyes, "your leg too. What are you doing now?"

"Taking a break," I said.

She shuffled up so that her head was fully laid in my lap, looking very comfortable. I liked the stage we'd come to, not having to deny anything, slipping further away from awkwardness every day.

"Do you know where you're going at the end of the year?" She asked.

"Far away."

"Really? Where to?"

I nodded. "Canada. I got a scholarship to a college there."

Her eyes grew wide and she smiled. "Norah! Wow! Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I guess I just forgot, and I didn't accept it until a few weeks ago," I said, still messing with her fingers. "Not sure I want to go now thought."

She stared up at me with furrowed eyebrows. "Why?"

"Will you miss me?" I asked, holding her index and middle finger in my curled palm.

Her eyebrows relaxed and she smiled slowly. "I'll come with you."

"Really?"

"I wish," she mumbled with a short laugh, "but, yes, I'll miss you. Very much."