Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: Skylight

You express your character's feelings very well with their actions. You show rather than just tell your readers how characters feel, which makes your narrative very enjoyable to read.

Your use of humour is a breath of fresh air! You have written both Storm and Luna so sassy! Like mother like daughter, you might say! Brilliant!

I believe including prologues to introduce each part of your story is a unique and effective idea. They help the reader stay on board it also gets them excited for what's to come next.

I liked the bit where you had Storm, Lightning and Luna having an inspirational quote battle. That was a nice touch. It offered a bit of fun between the characters, it also helped with the world building- showing how important nature is to the wolves. Nature is what they learn from and they obviously have a deep rooted respect for it. (Well that's what I got from this part anyway).

My favourite line in your story so far is- "Her howl was like a wordless song." Such a simple sentence, yet it packs a punch. Fantastic!

A really cool part of your writing is that you give nature itself a personality. The moon being amused by Luna and the path having the power to help her. Such beautiful world building and a subtle way to pull your reader into the wolf way of thinking.

Characterisation: 3/5

You have done a very good job with your characterisation. You have managed to describe each wolf very well- you clearly have a very detailed image of each wolf in your mind and you don't leave anything out! You also included their back stories which really helps the reader to understand what makes the individual wolves tick. Good work!

Your main characters Storm and Luna- Are complex and very well portrayed. I liked how, like most family members, they have their similarities as well as their differences. They are both so sassy and energetic. Yet Storm is more empathetic to others and comes across as a bit more chill in later chapters. Yet Luna is a firecracker who does not take no for an answer! They are both very fun characters to read. I also appreciate how you include their thought processes in italics here and there- this communicates their individual personalities very effectively. I love how within both of their inner monologues they have private arguments with themselves sometimes that was a cool touch!

I love Luna's unscientific logic about what the moon is! That is such a cool little snippet that gives insight into Luna's education and the wolf mind-set.

The chemistry between Lightning and Storm is built so beautifully, not so much in part one, but once I read part two and three this was more apparent.

Lightning was my favourite character- no contest! He's beautiful, caring, brave and the perfect mate for Storm. He is also such a cute father.

I noticed a small issue with your character work; Luna's relationship with her parents is a bit inconsistent at times. There are times when they come across like competent guardians, other times their behaviour comes across like they are beneath her, maybe even younger than her. I had to keep on reminding myself who Storm and Lightning were.

Plot: 4/5

Your story hits the floor running! There is no room to get bored!

However, I found the first part a bit too fleeting. It came across as though you were rattling through Storm's story to get it out of the way. I was glad to read Lightning's story in part three as it answered a lot of questions that arose within the first part. I would suggest adding Lightning's story into part one, to tidy up the structure of the book. As well as keeping the chronological order organised, doing this will fix the pacing problem at the start of the story. However, I do like how part one's storyline came in full circle- Starting with a birth of a litter and ending with the birth of the next generation- that was clever (I also got Disney's Bambi and Lion King vibes from it!)

Storm's decision to go back to her pack seems a bit sudden. It would've been nice if you put in her thought process about this. Does she weigh the pros and cons? Does she dream about her old pack? Is she conflicted?

Your story is action packed! Your dramatic scenes are executed well. They are emotional and exciting!

You don't leave your reader behind at any time! I always knew where I was within your story, which is really good! There are so many places where I could've got confused (I am hopeless believe me!) But I felt that you took good care of me throughout the course of your story!

The first chapter of part 2 sets the story up really well! You showed how the new characters interact with others, there's light-hearted parts and a tragedy that introduces an interesting new storyline about Luna's search for answers for the random yet incredibly dangerous attacks on her family.

You handled the balance between, family drama/conflicts, relationship building and the main quest really well within your story. I found when you decided to explore different areas it did not interrupt the flow.

The moon's magic that helps Luna is a really cool idea and is included into the story with such ease, it does not seem at all out of place.

OVERALL SCORE: 20/30

Your story has great potential! It is exciting and heart-warming. You took great care to create wonderful characters and interesting situations for them to face. I really enjoyed their dialogue and interactions! I had no problems at all there! You are the dialogue master! With a little bit of editing the rest of your story will very easily meet the quality standard of your characters' speech! Good luck!

I appreciated your author's notes. Some were very helpful also it is really nice for the reader to get to know the writer as they follow you on the journey you are taking them on. However, I do have to say, please don't trash talk your work! I found this so sad. This story is your baby and you're selling yourself and your writing short! You are talented and have the makings of a fun filled masterpiece there! Great job!

Thank you so much for asking me to review your fabulous story! I hope my feedback is helpful to you!