Save Me

26'

Zendaya

That hurt... that hurt so much.

I guess in a way I deserved  it for keeping such a secret from Jahseh. He deserved to know, but I fucked it up only thinking about me being the one to hurt him, which I was still the one who hurt him anyways. I run my hand down my stomach and whimper. How the hell am I just suppose to leave Jahseh alone? I love him for crying out loud. I wanted to confess my love for him, but he completely shut me down and I understand, but still, it hurts so fucking much.

I lay back on my bed and reach up, wiping the tears off my face. I can't believe he's disgusted with me, like seriously? I'm not the one who aborted his child. The thought pisses me off a bit, and I spend the next ten minutes in silence, trying to calm my nerves down. I close my eyes for a brief second and a small knock at my door startles me. Looking up, I see Cleo walk in with a small smile on her face, coming towards my bed.

"Hey Zendaya. How are you feeling?" She asks, sitting on the edge of my bed and I shrug.

"Like shit. I feel so horrible." I soothingly rub my stomach and she nods.

"Me too." She sighs and I frown.

"Why?" I think about sitting up, but get tired so I just turn on my side and prop my head up with a hand. Cleo sighs and shakes her head.

"Jah came in crying a little while ago, and Geneva had an abortion." She sounds so pained and I nod.

"I know." I bite my lip and she frowns.

"He told you?"

"Well, remember the fight with me and Geneva? Well, that's what it was about, I've been known." I look down ashamed with myself and she gasps.

"Is that why he was yelling at you before I came up here?" She looks shocked and I nod.

"I'm really sorry, but Geneva basically threatened to call the cops on me, claiming I'm too unstable and can't take care of my baby, and I didn't want to be the one to hurt Jahseh by telling him that. It wasn't my place to tell him. That's between him and Geneva." I feel my throat tighten up and I know it's just a matter of time before my tears fall. Cleo smacks her lips and grabs my hand, pulling me up into a sitting position.

"Come here sweetie, you just need a hug." She coos and I wrap my arms around her, letting it all out.

"I'm such a horrible fucking person! I knew and I said nothing for three whole months. He's never gonna talk to me again, Cleo." I whimper out quietly, knowing that he's in his room possibly listening. She rubs my back softly and sighs.

"No, Zendaya. Give him some time, okay?" She pulls back and I quickly wipe my face.

"Okay, I will. Thanks Cleo." I smile softly and she smiles back.

"No problem, and I agree with you. It wasn't your business to tell him, so he shouldn't be entirely upset with you. Just let it all blow over, okay?" She smooths out my hair and I nod, watching her get up and leave my room. I wipe away my tears and close my eyes, hoping that this does blow over, and that Jahseh starts to talk to me soon, cause I might just go crazy.

   ~•~

3 Weeks Later...

I haven't seen or spoken to Jahseh since he told me off. I really miss him and I know it sounds crazy, but my baby even misses him. Sometimes out of the blue my stomach will start churning, then I realize it's when I think of Jahseh. We miss him. I have a doctor's appointment today and I don't know if I should remind Jahseh about it or not. He hasn't been taking me to my lamaze classes, or my school classes. I've been having to walk, which isn't such a bad thing. I heard walking when pregnant is a good thing, but still, I can't walk to my doctor's appointment. Besides, it's too far. I sigh shakily and try to think of a time I'll see Jahseh without him avoiding me like he usually does. He knows I have to eat early, so he eats late. He stays out after his school lets out and I never see him come in the house anymore. I've heard him come in recently but that was the first time.