CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

Valkyrie - by MarvelDan6

REVIEW DONE BY : FirstNailInTheCoffin (T)

Title/cover :

The cover of the book is interesting, but I think it could use some changes. It is incredibly dark and while in some ways it could be aesthetically pleasing, this style doesn't tend to work for book covers. Book covers should be vibrant and make the reader want to read them. I also think the font used for subtitle is incredibly difficult to read and could be easily improved into a much better one. Since the sub-title is quite small, the font used should be much clearer. You don't want your readers being forced to strain their eyes when looking at the cover.

On to the title, I really like it so there isn't much to say. It's short and simple. It also is quite memorable, which allows the reader to remember the book easier. (which should always be what you want from them)

Chapter review :

Prologue :

The story had a wonderful start. The prologue wasn't too long, which is a mistake many people make when writing their story. The purpose of a prologue is to grip the reader and make them want to read on and I really think you managed that quite well.

We begin with three ladies walking side by side after being summoned somewhere. The entire prologue is just a little description about who they are. I liked how dramatic it was, but I do think there are some things that could be improved.

For starters, the sentences in the second paragraph are much too long. Long sentences are used as a tool to create a feeling of foreboding as well as making a scene long and dragged out. I highly doubt you intended this for your prologue. I recommend switching some of the commas for full-stops to vary the length and structure.

I also think the descriptions of the girls could have been better. I got the general gist of it. Hair colour and body structure as well as their height. But I've always been a sucker for descriptions and I wanted much more. I wanted to know how their faces look, is there anything distinctive about any of them. Any marks or scars?

How do they walk? I'm sure each of them has a different, very distinct way of moving. Descriptions go a long way in hooking a reader.

You managed to end the prologue in a way that just forced me to continue right away. I have always been a sucker for magical societies and councils and this hit all the right spots. You left the reader curious and wanting more which really is a wonderful achievement. Good job!

Chapter 1 :

Wonderful beginning to the chapter. You went from a dramatic and scary prologue to an almost comical chapter one. I imagined it like a scene in a movie. One thing I must say thought, is that even though I accept that you're writing in a more informal style, writing "Arrrgggggg" in a narrative sequence is plain wrong. For critics like me, it sets off a very bad vibe from the beginning of the story. Which really isn't an outcome any author wants.

Once again I noticed the sentence length. I will talk more about this in the writing style section of the review.

The sudden fourth wall break caught me off guard and if I'm being honest, put me off the story. This is the first indication of the story breaking the fourth wall, which is something I think should have been established at the start of the chapter. I believe there are much better ways to introduce a character than using fourth-wall breaking as a tool.

Speaking of the fourth-wall breaking, I think the introduction could have been done better. We basically found out the characters back story and personality in one long chunk of paragraph in which we were being told about it. From the main character's point of view. That is not a great way to engage a reader as it immediately takes the story's mystery and excitement away. What's there to predict when we already know so much about the character?