CLN's Seasonal Reviews (CLOSED)

When Worlds Crossed - by - conquestofthesomnium

BOOK DETAILS: When worlds crossed by conquestofthesomnium

REVIEWER: thepositivevibe07

Before you read this review, just wanted to let you know I finished all the uploaded chapters, because I just couldn't stop at 5. So please, some updates would be good. Though, this review would be majorly based on the prologue + first 5 chapters.

Blurb/Title:

Being the story forefront, the description is the second selling point of your book (the first being title and cover, ofc). The description represents the story as a general teen fiction rather than what it is. There is not the element of suspense which is needed. Before hitting the 'read' button I know a lot about Adelaide- family, school, future, and the whole drama which is about to go down with the prince. Include everything but hide them behind the words.

For e.g.- Instead of, "The prince, who introduced himself as Armacres, had some enemies hunting him." You can simply write, "However, the prince did not come alone."

"Insert the whole third paragraph" - "Not only Adelaide, but the whole globe was about to get dragged into the mess which came along. The only way out is to defeat them, together, or the consequences won't be favourable for anyone involved."

^^^ The above mentioned are only examples, I'm a bad writer so just take hints and use it as per your writing style.

Plot Development & Story Flow:

Overall, I like the pace at which everything is going. It's not hard to catch up and easy to understand. There are so many points which can be refurbished though. At places, there is so much detail that as a frequent reader on this app you're bound to skim through. But as an author, you need to make sure that readers don't do that. Every effort you've put into writing must be noticed.

- The prologue and the first chapter seemed a little stretched to me. Going into details is indeed good, but you got to know where to stop. Maybe try a different angle for the David and Adelaide deal? For a person like her, it didn't set into the whole conversation for me.

- Rather than starting all sentences from 'she', 'Adie', or 'Adelaide'; use actions. "Jumping from the sudden voice behind her, she turned around to find David standing there casually." (From somewhere in between of the first chapter). (Again, this is an example only. I suck at writing, so just use this as reference as to what I'm trying to say.)

I've added these points for reference as of now, but as a budding writer my suggestion to you would be: Plan out your whole story, finish the draft you're writing, and then work on all such edits. You can do the editing now as well, but for reader engagement it's better if you have regular/frequent/scheduled updates. And at a given period, you can either edit or write, so use this time wisely.

If you got any doubt regarding this, then feel free to dm me.

Character Development:

Just like the plot, character development too can use some upgrades. I'd personally prefer to see the whole family drama presented differently. The whole thing about the characters seemed a little misbalanced. Whether it was her parents, David, and others (I'm not supposed to be adding spoilers, so just know it includes everyone).

Grammar:

Grammar is good; sentences are short and easy to navigate through. I saw a few typos though, which you should remove though. It can be improved, I believe there is always some room for improvement, but not absolute necessary.

Overall view:

Overall, I enjoyed reading your book. Yes, a few parts did make me skim through the extra details but for the time being it is alright. I'd be a loyal reader if you update frequently. But go for whatever you want to!

However, this review is just my opinion, based off my preferred way of book reading. Another person will have a different point of view, so be mindful of the direction you want to steer it. Again, you can contact me for issues, or opinions. Have a good day/night.