mistakes (jerrie)

epilogue

Jade

 "You're sure you have everything?"

"Yes mam, I'm sure," I said.

"You have your passport? All of your books?" I nodded in confirmation.

"My passport is in my bag and I sent my books ahead with the rest of my stuff last week," My mam nodded, tears filling in her eyes, "Hey hey, don't cry, you're going to make me cry," I said, pulling her into a tight hug.

"It's not every day you send your baby all the way to New York," She said, wiping tears from the corners of my eyes.

"I'll be fine mam, don't worry about me," I reassured her. She finally released me and let me turn to Leigh. Her eyes were welling with tears, obviously not wanting to say goodbye. I pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Jadey, you stay safe okay?" She said, "But also if you see a rat carrying a whole slice of pizza you better send me a video," I smiled back at her, pulling away to finally go through security and get to my gate before my flight.

"I love you guys," I said, waving as I slowly started backing up.

"Call as soon as you land," my mam yelled at me. Leigh nodded in agreement.

"I promise, I'll call both of you once I get there,"

"Be safe Jadey!" Leigh called after me. I had to turn around and leave otherwise I would never leave. My first day of term was in four days and I need to leave now if I want to have time to actually get settled. I planned everything so I would stay home for as long possible, maximizing the amount of time I could spend close to both my mam and my doctor despite being cleared to be away for nearly two weeks. I gained enough weight back and my mental health has been stable enough so I was discharged from the hospital, yet I was still scared to leave. There has always been the thought in the back of my mind that I will eventually relapse. Something would happen and I would spiral back to where I was months ago.

Boarding the plane was surreal. It was the final barrier leading to my new life. And it was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. Well, one of them at least.

I don't remember the actual plane ride. I brought a couple of melatonin pills to make sure I was able to sleep a bit, already predicting my inevitably high anxiety.

I was awoken hours later by the familiar feeling in my ears of the pressure changing in the airplane due to our final decent. 

Here we go.

~~~~~~~~~~

New York is massive. Of course I knew that before making the decision to move all the way over here, but pictures really don't do the place justice.

As soon as I left the doors of JFK airport, I was overwhelmed. Everything was moving a million miles a second and everyone seemed like they had somewhere to be. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Leigh and my mam that I had landed and would call them once I got to the apartment I was staying at.

Now, I'm not exactly sure how to hail a taxi. I was miserably failing at it for probably ten minuets before some driver finally and took pity on me. I thanked him quickly, throwing my carry on luggage into the backseat before giving him the address to my apartment for the next couple of years.

Last month I came across an advertisement for a relatively cheap studio apartment about a 10 minuet walk from NYU's campus and in a decent neighborhood, so I had to jump on it immediately. I was able to take a virtual tour, but I haven't actually been inside in person.