mistakes (jerrie)

part XVI

Jade

3 months. It's been 3 months since I broke up with Perrie and I don't think I've ever been so miserable.

I've completely lost my appetite. Before, I at least felt hunger, I just choose to ignore it. Now I'm just never hungry. When Leigh or my mam try and force me to eat, I can't actually taste what's in my mouth, which is even scarier. This has of course made me drop a few pounds. Or quite a few but I only know that because Leigh keeps telling me.

Perrie doesn't look any better. We still have the same group of friends and she joins us most of the time for lunch but we sit as far away from each other as possible. Almost every time I see her her eyes are bright red, so either she's crying every second of every day for the past 3 months, or she replaced her pen and is high as a kite every time I see her. I think the second option is far more likely.

Leigh has been by my side the entire time. On New Years day, she called to check on me because apparently Perrie had nearly gone insane as soon as I left. She didn't go into many details once I told her I broke up with Perrie, but I got the general premise of what went down. Lots of yelling, swearing, crying, and apparently another line of coke. Ever since, Leigh has carefully kept me away from Perrie. Any time Perrie would walk through the halls and cross my path, Leigh would physically shield me with her body until Perrie left.

I don't deserve her as a friend.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Jade please, you haven't had anything all day,"

"I said I'm not hungry," I said, returning my attention to the book I was reading.

"Jade," my mam continued, "please, you're worrying me, If you insist on not eating anything for much longer I'm going to take you to the hospital." I ignored her, rolling over and continuing my book. "Jade, I'm being serious. You're wasting away in your room and I'm getting sick of telling myself that tomorrow you'll eat something."

"I'm telling you mam, I'm just not hungry," I muttered. She sighed and finally walked out, leaving me with alone with my book once again. I was just getting back into reading when my phone started ringing. I groaned and reached for the device that was interrupting my book when my heart stopped. Perrie's name and face flashed across my screen. I never got around to changing her contact on my phone so a picture of her with a bunch of hickeys littering her neck and shoulders came up and her name had a little red heart next to it. I made a mental note to change that later, but I was still frozen. Why was she calling me now? We haven't officially spoken since New Years. Maybe she left something important here that she needed.

I glanced around my room. The only remnants of Perrie were her clothes that I had pushed to the back of my closet and the few photos I still had around my walls. And if she really left something here, she would have called about it before. Not that I would have answered but she would have asked about it earlier nonetheless.

I just decided to let the call go to voicemail, not particularly in the mood to talk to an ex, especially one that I can't get off my mind.

I picked my book back up and tried to push any thoughts of Perrie out of my head, but it wasn't really working. Perrie had been such a large part of my life for 3 years and for her to suddenly not be a part of it was like jumping into a lake in the middle of winter. We went from talking every day, spending time together outside of school, and just being there for each other in general to absolutely no contact. I used to auto pilot to Perrie's house in the morning because it was embedded in my brain to pick her up before going to school that I didn't realize what I was doing until I was about to pull into the Edwards driveway.

I was far too distracted to return to my book, so I just decided to call it a night. It was only 8 pm, but to be honest I was sleeping way more than a typical person at this point. As I was drifting off, my head was swimming with images of blue eyes and blonde hair.

~~~~~~~~~~

Perrie wasn't at school for a week.

Not that I was paying attention, but she didn't show up for lunch at all nor did I see her around school.

The rest of our friend group either didn't notice or didn't want to bring it up in front of me so everything felt off, like Perrie was suddenly gone but the world kept spinning.

Leigh seemed to notice her absence was bothering me, but instead of bringing it up directly, she tried to distract me. She tried taking me out to cafes to do homework or to her house after school.

"Jade please," Leigh said, holding a plate with fruit out to me, "Just please eat something," I shook my head.

"I'm not hungry," I said, continuing to work on my history assignment.

"Jade, look at me," she said in a far more intimidating tone. I rolled my eyes and looked back at her. "I don't know if you've noticed but you are absolutely tiny. Like I feel if a strong wind came it would blow you away. I'm just worried about you Jade. This seems worse than the last time." I shook my head.

"No last time it was on purpose. Last time it was for control. Now I literally don't have the motivation to do anything, so please leave that alone and let me do my homework."

"No, Jade I care about you and this is hurting everyone around you. We're all watching you waste away and we can't do anything about it!" Leigh's voice got louder and louder as she spoke and that was the worst thing she could do. Whenever someone starts yelling at me or raising their voice at me, I instantly start panicking and it's generally not good. Leigh kept yelling but to be completely honest I wasn't listening. I just started packing up all of my stuff so I could get out of there. I know I need to eat, but honestly I don't want to.

I quickly made my way out of Leigh's house, ignoring the odd look her mam was giving me and drove away as quickly as possible. I wasn't sure where I was going but by the time I finally took in my surroundings. I was at the cafe Perrie and I went to right when she came back from rehab and she made me eat something without putting too much pressure on me. I pulled into the parking lot and lost it. Everything from the past few months crashed down on me, tears pouring down my face. My phone kept ringing the entire time, but I just ignored it, assuming it was just Leigh. I sat in my car until it was dark and I was finally calming down. My phone started vibrating on my dashboard and I glared at the offensive device. I couldn't have just one moment to myself apparently.

I glanced at the screen and my heart nearly dropped. It wasn't Leigh calling me. It was Perrie's mam. I quickly pressed the answer button and brought my phone to my ear.

"Um, hello?"

"Jade! Oh thank god," Debbie said, "Perrie is in the hospital, and she said she wants to see you."

AN: Sorry this took like forever, I've been incredibly dizzy for the past couple days which is real frustrating because I've sat down to write this way too many times to count. I do think that this is one of the last few chapters though which kind of makes me sad... but I have a couple of ideas for new stories so keep an eye out for those :)

also, I published a short story that you guys should check out

stay safe and wash your hands!