Ash [Prince Zuko - Book Two]

❃Chapter Nineteen❃

For some reason, Iroh was excited when him and Zuko got home following the end work a few days after she revealed her true identity to Jet. Asake didn't stay in the main room long enough to know why they were happy. She hurriedly entered her room, shutting the door behind her. She wasn't in the mood for the angsty teen nor the nice old man. She hadn't been in the mood for them in a long time.

Iroh's voice rang out in the small apartment, and she could hear Zuko answer softly. Something was going on, but she didn't want to know what. She was more worried about Jet. Even if he most likely hated her now (and she sort of hated him, too), she still worried because she hadn't seen him in days. He had gone missing after him and Zuko fought in the streets of Ba Sing Se, and for a second, she thought Zuko killed him. But Zuko was no killer, and she guessed that the guards got to him.

Asake pressed her ear to the door just to hear what was happening between Iroh and Zuko. She felt bad for thinking that she didn't care about Zuko anymore because she couldn't stop thinking about him and how much she wished she hated him like she did Jet. He didn't talk to her after fighting with Jet. She knew it was her fault that he was angry at her. She should've been angry, too, but she wasn't. She was ashamed. Ashamed of what? She wasn't really sure.

She couldn't understand what they were talking about through the thick cut of the door, so she flopped onto her bed, covering her face with her right arm, holding her left arm tight against her side since it was still injured. She feared that she ruined her relationship with Zuko. Or had he ruined the relationship between them? They had fought so much more recently, and she had said so many bad things to him. He also said so many mean things to her, though. It wasn't all her fault that the bridge between them was gone, burned to ashes. But it was easier thinking it was her fault since she hated herself and the way she overreacted to every little thing in her awful life. She didn't understand how people could care for her if she couldn't even care for herself. 

Asake couldn't handle her room any longer. The darkness in her room was slowly decaying her heart, taking her down and down again with each passing day. She had to get out of the apartment before she lost her mind. She had to walk around and be moving so she wouldn't be in her thoughts anymore. Maybe then she would be able to feel something again.

Her feet took her to the window that was situated in the center of room. She hadn't ever opened the blinds or the window itself before because she had relished in the darkness that matched her inner thoughts, but now she pulled the blinds aside and shoved the window up. Asake didn't want to go out in the small kitchen in the apartment and have them stare at her as she explained why she had to get out of this place. No, she had to sneak out. 

Peering out of the window, Asake saw a purple awning off to the side, attached to the business next to their apartment. She was sure she could make it if she jumped. Unfortunately, she couldn't use firebending to propel her over there since she wasn't that confident with it, so she had to trust that she could jump far. Even if she didn't make it, she doubted that she would care if she fell down to the ground below. It would be a welcome relief from the pain in her mind. 

Asake balanced on the sill, her toes inching over the edge. She wasn't nervous doing that. She had jumped larger distances before in her mind. In her heart. However, no one could catch her for the large jump in her mind. Someone could catch her for her heart falling, though. He just didn't know she was falling down the rabbit hole quicker than she had realized.

She jumped. The feeling of falling was familiar, almost welcoming. Air rushed around her body, forcing her eyes shut. Her arms were held out as far as they could reach to the right and left, like they were almost mimicking a dead man's flight. This was how she wanted to go out, doing something she loved. She almost didn't want to stop falling.