Multifandom oneshots

Coochie shits himself at Tonio's

As promised, here's your damn oneshot.

Koichi stared at the interior of the restaurant, starting to wonder if Tonio was actually Italian or just a tryhard. Josuke and Okuyasu chatted idly across from them, saying something about how Rohan was in the hospital for some wicked first degree burns from ramming his car into a telephone pole. Fucking moron. Coochie didn't really give two shits either way. He kicked his feet which didn't touch the ground because he was short and a fucking loser.

After about fifteen minutes of waiting, Tonio came out with their orders. For Josuke, there was *insert Italian food here*, for Okuyasu, *insert Italian food here*, and for Koichi, abbacchio al forno, because fuck you. And everyone got some high quality water or whatever.

"Enjoy your meal!" Tonio said with a kind smile, leaving to serve the other two customers, a middle aged man and a severed hand that he sat across from. Koichi wondered how Tonio would figure out what to feed a hand but stopped caring and ate. The food was good, the water was good, everything was good, and he could feel a growth spurt coming on. Fucking finally.

     "Oi, Josuke, I can feel my wicked case of gonorrhea going away!" Okuyasu shouted with a little too much enthusiasm. "And that migraine I had earlier is totally gone! This is gūreitō, daze!" Josuke exclaimed. Coochie smiled, happy for his bros, but then stood up and booked it, looking around for a washroom. Koichi had to shit. Really, REALLY bad. He finally found a washroom, but it was the women's. Koichi was a reliable guy and not a pervert, so even though the only woman there was that creepy guy's severed hand, he decided to use the men's room. At long last he found it and opened the door. But before he could take care of "business", the worst thing happened. A horrible, terrible, awful thing happened.

Bitch shat himself.

Koichi sat there and cried. He cried like the little bitch baby he was in shame and embarrassment. So he did what any reasonable human would do. He stuck his head in the toilet and tried to drown himself. However, since he was so small, he ended up flushing himself down the toilet instead of dying. Coochie now lives happily in the ocean with the fishes and eventually found new pants. But never came back to shore because he couldn't live with the shame of shitting himself at Tonio's. The end.

This was a request I swEAR  THIS IS SO CURSED I WOULD NEVER WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS BECAUSE I WANTED TO I JUST DID PLEASE GOD