The Fallen

Emms

I'm soaked. Of course Dom stepped outside just to continue to yell at me and prove me wrong on everything. But no matter what he says, I won't stop without a fight when the time comes.

For now, the only fight I have to prepare for is the one with Alexander when we get home. Just the look on Christina's face says it all.

Unfortunately, the woman called Christina when she asked Dan for her number and once she got here, the lady told Christina everything. Once she was done with the story, Christina sighed at her tea and excused herself.

Now, she gives us a talk on how we need to take care of each other. Like Dom, I'm barely listening. We nod whenever she looks at us, but it's better to not speak up against each other now. After a long talk, the tension eats up the silence in the vehicle.

"No one will speak of this when we get home." Her tired voice breaks the silence in the vehicle. "I will tell Alexander tonight. Do you all understand?"

We all nod back silently. "Good," Christina says. The rest of the ride becomes a blur of tension and rain drops on the windows.

When we got to the house, luckily, Alexander was at his laboratory. We all go directly up the stairs. Each one without saying a word to each other. Christina tries to look at Kat's bruised neck, but she gently pushes her away. We each give each other a sad look between me and my sisters and they both enter their rooms without a word. I watch them close their doors and I hear the boys open and close theirs. Christina has gone into the laboratory with Alexander so now I am left alone in the hallway.

I stare at my door. It's whiteness is the opposite of today's darkness. Instead of putting my head on the handle so the door can open, I can feel my body exhaustedly lean on the door. I put my forehead lightly on the door and sigh. Such heaviness doesn't seem to have left ever since I got here.

There must be something I can do...

But I quickly push those thoughts away. It's those thoughts that keep me so exhausted. One more sigh escapes my lips and tears start to fall down my cheeks slowly. My throat starts to close and a soft sob starts to form in my chest. This time, my hand finds the handle and pushes the door open as if it were a door leading to my escape.

The loud voices of Christina and Alexander echo across the hallway. I quickly close the door behind me and stay there as I listen to their argument. They speak softly but the angry tone cannot hide behind their whispers.

They are arguing about today. They are arguing about me and my sisters. They are arguing because of me.

Their whispers fade away slowly as they enter their room. My heavy heart makes my legs weak as I lean on the door. The voice comes back with a greeting and I shake my head trying to block out it's voice. If only I could control a machine's mind, too.

"Shut up." My voice was only a whisper but the machine stopped its calculations on how my body was today.

I clear my tight throat and let my legs give up. I feel my body slowly get dragged down to the floor until I am sitting against the door. A defeated sob escapes my mouth and I hug my legs. The action feels so familiar but as I let the tears fall, this small strength within comes back. It's the same strength I feel whenever I want to stand up for something. When I'm ready to fight back.

I look up from the floor and see the white walls in front of me. I had started drawing on one side of the wall that's nearest to the bed, but the rest of the white draws my attention. Like a sudden epiphany, I slowly stand up and walk up to one of the white walls. As I stare at it's bright perfection, the images of today's events start to fill my mind. Every color and movement is like a movie going about in my brain.

"Would you like to continue the drawings of last night?"

The voice brings me back to the present. I let my hand press against the wall and sudden pixely figues move like droplets on the water. "Okay."

"Very well then. Would you like to use other colors instead of just black tonight?"

"No. Black is fine."

And with this, the machine leaves me alone and I pick up the magnetic headphone on my night shelf. The moment I put them in my ears, music fills the world around me. The right tune and melody fills my heart as my hand begins to stroke on the wall the events of today. Letting all my anger and sadness out through these drawings is what keeps me from listening to Alexander and Christina fighting with each other. It keeps me from my own wild thoughts. The beautiful structure on each aspect of today forms a panorama of a secret talent I realized I had. As I paint, I can feel a familiar satisfaction and relief run through my boiling blood. Calming my every nerve and muscle. Letting go of the tension.

After finishing and observing my art work that took over half of the wall, I realized that drawing is going to be my escape. If I can't find the escape to this fragile world, I might as well create my own perfect world on these white walls.

It keeps me sane.