Do You See Her Face? (A Jess Mariano Fanfiction)

James Dean and Daria

Ella nodded.

"Well, she finally showed it to me. And it has pants!"

Biting the inside of her cheek, Ella swallowed down the laugh which threatened to leave her lips.

"I gave it to Lorelai. Hopefully something along the lines of salvageable will come of it," Lane grumbled, adjusting her apron anxiously.

"Hey, Lorelai made that renaissance dress I wore to Liz's wedding wearable. I'm sure she'll work her magic," Ella said, turning to see Luke return as the bell over the door jingled.

"We'll see," Lane said, sighing again as a young couple came up to the register, ready to pay for their patty melts.

As Luke approached, Ella saw he had the mail in his hands. He looked almost haggard, with dark circles under his eyes. She knew he and Lorelai had been having some problems, but didn't know the details. It wouldn't be surprising if the new daughter or the prolonged engagement had something to do with it, though. Since she and Rory had fallen out of touch, Ella saw Lorelai less and less. And it wasn't like Luke was a chatterbox.

"Something came for you," Luke said shortly, handing Ella a puffy orange envelope.

As soon as she took it, she could tell it was a book. Confusion painted her features; it wasn't often she got mail addressed to Luke's. She'd been living at Lane's for almost two years. Furrowing her brows, she looked in the upper right corner and her face immediately fell when she saw the familiar, spiky handwriting. Clearing her throat, she plastered on a complacent expression.

"I'm gonna take a fifteen, okay?" she said, clutching the package tightly in her hands.

Luke nodded. "You alright?"

Ella smiled thinly. "Yeah. Just gotta take the smell of the stock room in as much as I possibly can. I've only got it until the end of July."

Rolling his eyes, Luke shook his head. "I'm counting the seconds."

"Hey, I could quit right now! Then where would you be?!" she exclaimed dramatically, a bit which never seemed to get old.

Luke grunted doubtfully. "Don't tease."

Smirking slightly, she finally turned on her heel and went back into the stock room. It was dim, piled high with boxes and cans. But there was the comforting smell of dust and pine, making her feel just a touch less queasy. Sitting on the lone table in the middle on the shelves, her legs dangling over the sides with boots heavy on her feet, Ella stared down at Jess's writing for a moment. It only made sense he would send her something at the diner. He probably had no idea where she lived, if she was still even in Stars Hollow.

Her mind wandered to their last conversation, her night up on the plaid couch, crying. When Jess had called to tell Luke he was back in New York, Luke said Jess had told him to say hello to her. She'd told him to say hello back, a half-hearted message. And she was glad to know his trip had been safe. Glad he had apparently mended fences with Luke. But when she thought of actually speaking to him, hearing his voice, it made her feel sick with nerves. All she could see was his heartbroken expression when she had told him she wouldn't come with him. Hear his pleading. Many times, she had pulled out the small slip of paper with his cell number written on it, had thought about reaching out. But, it simply hurt too much.

And she would have no idea where to begin. He had apologized. And she had rejected him. She didn't regret it, didn't feel bad about what she had said or done. But she knew there would be a shift between them. All the words they spoke would have a whispered 'what if' underneath. It seemed like too much to put him through. Jess probably wouldn't like to hear her voice either, she thought. As angry as she had been before, she just couldn't bear to hurt him anymore. It was more trouble than it was worth. So, each time Luke spoke with Jess, they exchanged fleeting greetings through him. It was impersonal, cold, but, they always knew the other was alive. The deal still stood, even after everything.