Do You See Her Face? (A Jess Mariano Fanfiction)

Can I Look, Miss O'Keefe?

Disclaimer: All Gilmore Girls content belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino.

.   .   .

Crunchy snow and ice coated the streets of Stars Hollow, and large flakes fell from the dark, cloudy sky as Ella sat up, awake in the Gilmore living room. The monkey lamp on the side table offered a yellow glow. It was the early hours of the morning, New Year's Eve. Christmas had come and gone, and the days before the return to school were filled with good books and movie marathons. Though Lane had gone home earlier, before they finished their last John Hughes flick, Lorelai insisted Ella stay on the couch for the night. It was past midnight and the roads were in no condition to be walked on. And though she was comfortable, probably more relaxed than she was in her own home, she'd tossed and turned for about an hour before deciding the effort was hopeless.

Instead, she took the copy of Slaughterhouse Five from her bag and read quietly, adding her own notes to the margins alongside Jess's. Before, the room would have been drafty. But Luke had recently fixed the windows (again). Ella was cozy beneath a bunch of spare blankets, dressed in only a tank top and a borrowed pair of Rory's sweatpants. The Gilmore women were tall though, and Ella had to cuff the pants at the bottom so they wouldn't drag on the floor when she walked. Her eyes were starting to get heavy, but she was too engrossed in the story to consider putting it down. She had no idea what time it was, though it was still pitch black outside, when soft footfalls sounded on the stairs.

Clearing her throat, Ella marked a place in the book with her finger, and looked up to see a sleepy Lorelai. "Hi, sorry. Did I wake you?"

Lorelai shook her head slightly. "No, sweetie. I got up to use the bathroom and I saw the light was on. Wanted to make sure you and Rory didn't start a midnight cult behind my back or something."

"That does sound like us," Ella said, cracking a small smile.

Lorelai sat down on the coffee table next to the couch, elbows on her knees. "What's going on?"

Shrugging, Ella averted her eyes and gestured to her book. "Oh, just reading. Jess gave me his copy and I wanted to be done by our shift tomorrow. There's just so much to argue about."

"Well, it's good to know I need to steer clear of you two tomorrow, but is that really why you're up with Vonnegut at almost three in the morning?" Lorelai asked, tilting her head.

Ella hesitated a moment, but then sighed and clutched at her necklace. "I just...people are starting to get college decisions in the mail. And...I don't know."

"You're gonna get in, Ella. You've got perfect grades, and a job, and-"

Scoffing, Ella nodded. "Yeah, I just...I'm gonna have to live at home. And I'm worried I'll never get outta here."

"Stars Hollow?" Lorelai asked, sympathetic.

She nodded again. "I mean...I wanna live in a city. Where every day I walk out the door to new people, and there's new places to go and...I know and like this town. I do. But it stopped being home the day my mom died."

Though she had passion in her voice and a smile still on her lips, Lorelai could see the sadness in Ella's far-off gaze. It was something so striking and mature, something she never saw in Rory or Lane. Though Rory was an old soul in her own right, Lorelai could see Ella out on her own and doing just fine by the very next day. Lorelai leaned in a little closer, and the mothering tone came to her voice, which she had used on Ella more times than one in the past two and a half years.

"Ella, I want you to listen to me. You are smart, and talented, and you're one of the strongest people I know," Lorelai said, and raised a hand as Ella scoffed at her words. "I know it feels like it'll take forever. But you have to be patient, okay? I know that one day you'll get to have everything you want."