Love The Way You Lie

13: ROUTINELY

You feel a tug on your wrist again, and you know it's from your husband.

You can tell based on the feel of his fingers without batting an eye.

You'll never forget the grip he can have on your wrist.

It sends you back hours and years and decades all at one time.

You remember every time he's hurt you the moment he does it again...

You're cramped into the scan room this time, and you're not sure what to expect because Derek is looking at you differently from just last night.

"Are you going to beat me up again?" You ask him, because otherwise, you're not sure why he's even bothered to confront you.

"I don't need to," Derek says, motioning to the fact that your sutures are already bleeding again.

"So what is this all about?" You ask, wondering what your punishment will be this time.

"I'm here for you," Derek says, and you're not sure what to think of this.

"What?" You say thickly, and you only start to understand when he asks if he can undress you.

Oh. He wants THAT. He wants me...

You're not sure why this works for you, but it does, you suddenly want him.

Derek has beaten you up less than twenty-four hours ago but it's been almost twenty-four months since you've last had sex, ever.

And you know if he's asking your permission then he plans to be gentle, anyway.

"Did you take her home last night?" You ask your husband.

You don't bother to specify who 'she,' is, because he's made it clear he has a girlfriend.

"I don't kiss and tell," Derek says secretively, and the 'not knowing,' is driving you crazy.

And not even the dirty kind of crazy, but apparently you're feeling the dirty kind of crazy, because you're pulling his shirt off and you're letting him slip a hand down your pants...

You do want him. You hate him. You love him. You want to divorce him. But you do want to fuck him.

You think it's because of the hopelessness, or maybe the recklessness of being in this side room wherever you are in Seattle.

Or maybe you just need it that much and you want to feel wanted, even if you know you're only second best being strung along like a backup playtoy.

You take his pants off and you let yours drop to the floor.

You're not sure what he knows about what happened between you and Mark or whether he just had a sixth sense about it because he uses a glow in the dark condom he's had in his pocket.

You do it with him as slowly as you possibly can because you know he might never proposition you ever again.

As you screw your actual husband you have the thought that you're cheating on Meredith Grey.

Then you think that's a stupid thought to think because you two were never a thing to begin with.

When Derek calls out her name into you, you know he was thinking the same, and your heart breaks for her, not for you, not for him.

You lean back against the cool floor as your husband leaves you alone.

He doesn't say anything as he puts his pants and his shirt back on and walks out of there.