Love The Way You Lie

10: YOU HAD A LIFE

"Addison, what are you doing here?!" Derek spits out venomously at you.

Jesus, you married me, what the hell did you want me to do?! You don't say to him, now or ever.

You start speaking anyway because you realize he won't stop and she won't start and you can't stand the shit tension.

"Your hair's different," you say lamely as if to give him a compliment.

"A lot of things are different," he spits out to you.

You're a cheater, he's a cheater, he works at Seattle Grace. You work at Seattle Grace...

You were pregnant, now you're not. He was in New York, now he's not...

You were with Mark, you left him. He was with you, he's now with Meredith...

Listing off all the damn differences isn't helping you, either.

"It's longer, I like it, it's very... Russel Crowe..." You manage as you reach out to touch it and he pulls away from you.

You've never known him to not want you to touch him, but you realize that you touching him is probably not nearly as enticing as Meredith touching him, and for once you agree with him on that fact, although you'll never admit it out loud to anyone, ever, in all likelihood.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" He's raising his voice and you're glad because maybe Meredith will take the hint and walk right away from him.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" You bellow right back at him.

"You just pick up and leave everything, your house, your Practice, your friends...?" You ask a million questions at once but the last one hurts you the most.

As you say it you realize your voice is shaking and you're probably not very convincing.

Whatever, it's not like you're trying to win an acting award, anyway.

You also realize you've said "your friends," because you realize they are, and that they've always been his more than yours.

Naomi and Sam even said it was hard to believe you. You banged Mark once at the Brownstone and you haven't heard from him since you left his apartment. That leaves no other friends.

Maya Bennett doesn't count, you think, because she's an infant and she cannot talk yet.

You realize you probably love your Godchild more than any of - your other - his other - friends.

"You had a life in New York," you say, even though you're not sure where you're going with this.

"Had," Derek says point-blank as if he wants to prove to you that he no longer wants you.

Well, this seducing him away from his mistress might prove more challenging than you originally thought.

Meredith is still standing there, wide-eyed at you two, and you try not to glance over at her all the damn time.

You wonder what that girl is thinking, and why she's not turned on her heels and left this hospital yet.

You wonder if her reasons for staying are your reasons, that she's just as used to domestic chaos and it comforts her in a way that it shouldn't.

You'll get your answer at some point probably, but not now, and not right in front of him.

"And now you have a girlfriend," you announce, and it stirs something in you that he has not called you his girlfriend in over ten years, because calling you his 'wife,' sounds like he owns you all just that much more.