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A'Zharia || Zee
" Heyy mamasss! " I cooed at Journee as she woke up.
I picked her up and took her downstairs since it was around the time she'd usually eat. I was about to fix a bottle but I saw that one was already fixed.
" Yeahh and one bitch! " I heard Nick yell from the living room.
The sound of his voice made Journee get all excited and start talking. I grabbed the bottle and shook it as I walked into the living room.
" You fixed this? " I asked sitting down feeding Journee.
" Yeah. " He said glancing at me then back at the game.
" Aww how sweet. " I smiled as I watched Journee eat.
I thought about what if Nau'Jour was in our lives. Would he fix her bottles? Would even help in the middle of the night?
I want to say yes, but the Nau'Jour I know now doesn't give those vibes. I started to dwell on how he would react to Nick and I.
" Nick? " I asked jumping out of my thoughts.
" Hmm? "
" Do you think what we're doing is wrong? " I looked down and played with Journee's hand with my pinky.
" Aye I'a be back. " He told whoever he was playing the game with. He took the headset off and muted his mic.
" You feel like it's wrong? " He asked giving me his undivided attention.
" I mean he was my boyfriend and is my babydaddy and he is your bestfriend. " I said lowly.
" I ain't gon' lie like I ain't thought about that, but it's like I don't feel wrong. It's like he deadass in love with Nadia and doesn't give a shit about you until he gets ready. " Nick confessed.
" I liked you before y'all was even together but who thought you would be with a clown like me? I'm loud as hell and I nine times out of ten have the attention of anywhere I'm at. " He laughed making me laugh with him.
" Well I don't know. I just think it wouldn't end well, but I mean you make me feel comfortable and safe. The one time he did have sex was bet- " I stopped and looked at Nick. Did I really wanna tell him it was better than Nau'Jour's?
" It was better than what I've had before. I don't know. It was like we were bestfriends and I don't want it mess up our friendship nor yours with Nau'Jour. " I finished looking at him just staring at me.
I quickly looked away. Even when he looks at me, I feel like I get butterflies. It's like I was falling in love and I really don't know how to handle it.
" If you don't wanna do nothing sexual I'm not gonna make you. Whateva' you wanna decide we do I'm cool with it. I'll always be hea' for you and Journee. " Nick told me.
" I just don't know Nick. " I said grabbing a small blanket and putting over my shoulder then started to burp Journee.
" Think on it and tell me. I ain't pressuring ya. " He smiled at me making me feel somewhat better.
" Alright you staying here? " I asked him as he picked the controller up and turned the game off.
" I might. " He said taking Journee from me. I'm glad she already burped.
" Can you watch her? Nau'Jour wants to talk, but I don't know how it's gonna go and I don't wanna argue in front of her anymore. " I asked Nick.
" Yeah fasho. " He said walking up the stairs.
I nodded as if he could see me and went into the kitchen to make her some more bottles for tomorrow.
I heard Journee cryba couple times, but quickly stop. I hurried up to see what was wrong with my baby. After I made four bottles, I sat them in the fridge and headed upstairs.
I looked in her room and didn't see her nor Nick. I went to my room and didn't see them so I went to the guest room.
Once I got to the doorway, I saw Nick laying in the bed on his phone and Journee laying on his chest.
" She wouldn't let me put ha' down. " He said not looking away from his phone. I laughed and turned to walk away.
" Why you in here? " I asked turning back around.
" Told you I'm not pressuring you. " He said licking his lips and looking over at me.
" I kind want you to sleep with me though. You don't have to be close, but I kind of hate not knowing someone isn't in the room anymore. " I told him. He nodded his head and stood up holding Journee to his chest.
I went ahead and jumped in bed while Nick laid Journee in the crib that was in my room. I felt the other side of the bed dip in.
" Goodnight Nick. " I spoke with my back facing him.
" Goodnight Zee. "
—
I got up kind of early before Nick and Journee. Nau'Jour wanted to meet at the park which was fine with me. He said at 11 and I left the house around 10:30.
I texted Nau'Jour to let him know I was here and he told me he was sitting on a bench waiting.
I got out the car and scanned the park for Nau'Jour. I spotted him and headed his way.
" Wassup? " He spoke as I sat next to him.
" Hey. "
We sat there in silence for a few more seconds before he decided to speak.
" I'm sorry. " He stated. I nodded.
" You ain't gon say nothing? " He asked.
" Okay. If you drop a plate on the floor, does break it? " I asked him.
" Yeah. "
" Okay if you say sorry to it, does it just magically fix itself again? " I asked. He chuckled deeply.
" Nahh. "
" Okay then. I'm listening still. " I told him as I folded my arms.
" I don't know what else to tell you. Obviously this not about to work. " He said pointing between us two.
" Yeah I know. " I told him.
" I just want to be in my baby's life. "
" Nau'Jour it's like you see half the picture, but as long as we can co-parent I don't care. " I told him. He nodded
" When can I get her? " He asked.
" I'll drop her at your mom's this weekend. You can bring her back to there on Sunday. " I told him.
" Where you move to? "
" I don't think I feel comfortable telling you that. " I said in all honesty. He nodded and stood up.
" Well I guess I'll see you Friday. " He said licking his lips and looking me up and down.
" I guess so. " I said standing up and walking away. I really thought this conversation would've been way different than it turned out.
It's like he's so one sided about this whole relationship. It's like I just want an understanding on why things were done the way they were done.
I think I'll just have to accept things for what they are and go on. I just always want closure, but you can't always get that.
