Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Jacob: Adrift

The point is, Jane can be explored and given more room to develop. We're expecting to catch as much as a glimpse of a 'steadfast pessimist' that we're promised in the blurb. While Edward's character is moving forward, Jane is the same where she is. She is jumpy and somewhat—naive. And not in the right way. Both the times when something happens with or around her, she is acting so unwisely that it's almost painful to read. For someone who has hit so many rough patches, and one of them being the one where she was hit by a bus [or a car?], she hasn't learned any lesson. Now, this could be on purpose as well. Maybe she has gone through so much, that is indifferent to her surroundings. But then this directly contrasts with her care for her dog or her mother. That would have made perfect sense. Then again, she doesn't do much for either of them, so the readers are left pondering as to the big question here—is Jane just a trophy that readers should care because Edward does? Jane is a trophy for the fictional-real world of the book Adrift wouldn't be a problem if Jane weren't a narrator. But she is, and therefore we must know what role is, as an independent character, will play in the story.

Writing Style: 2/5

Even for all that I've questioned above, I will make my peace with everything because the book is merely beginning. We ought to give it more time to see the characters develop. But the writing style of this book is something that doesn't sit well with me.

Let's focus on the philosophical parts of the book: irrelevant. See, we have already established that both the main characters have some grudge against humankind, in their different ways. So there's practically no use for all the parts that your readers on Wattpad have commented are too long or confusing. They're a hundred cents right. You could probably show us Edward or Jane's start or past to explain why they lost faith in mankind. And no, the part where Edward scoffs at his father getting frightened at the dead animal in his hand does not tell us why he is disappointed by humanity. Although, that does show how Edward started thinking this way—the way he feels now.

Second is the actual writing style. It's simple. Simple is not bad, by no means. I write thriller books, not as psychologically deep as yours, but still and my writing style is effortless. But yours is more leaning towards the 'basic' side. There are two reasons: you're telling the readers to witness the moving scenes of the book. Example: the part where Edward is stalking his way through the neighbourhood or waiting for Jane or when Jane is coming back home. Everything that happens when your characters are not 'storytelling' about their past; it's all bland and boring. There is no emotion. The only scenes where things are happening in the present, or rather, exciting things are happening in the present are interesting. And that's because we know that these things will somehow pull closer our main characters. No, not in 'shipping' manner, but we'll get to see them interact. Everything else is just happening. We don't care about it. We don't know how any of it helps the plot. Indeed, Jane's neighbourhood is only to show where she lives and stuff, but at least that should be interesting to read. Interesting doesn't mean 'out-of-the-place'; that implies light up your writing style. Don't go too flowery, but we should be able to 'see' things with our eyes. Don't leave it to our imagination, because if our vision were that good, we would be writing our books—not reading others'.

Simply put: show things, don't tell them, and there you go—fixed. The other thing is to pay attention to your formatting while posting to Wattpad. It's nothing much, but that's why I suggest making sure to separate the paragraph and put commas and dashes in the right places. The conjoined paragraphs were hard to read and distracting.

Plot + Originality: 5/5

This is by far the smallest review I've written because the book is so darn good so far. I have never read a more different main character or the plot itself. Sure, there are a lot of fictional people chasing the same string as Edward—but the way he does it? Nope. His reasons, logic, attitude are so different—I can't even. One thing that you can do is to tell us more about Jane and show it from her perspective why Edward cares about. This will understand us, Jane, more and then the plot won't slip into the dark abyss of some crazy lover. Will Jane's existence have a motive?

Originality screams through every word of the book. Maybe there are books out there that I haven't read—but for something that makes my guts churn, this is my new favourite. Period.

OVERALL SCORE: 18.5/25

Change the cover. Work on your writing style. Give a little more depth to Jane's character. Try not to include 'thoughts' that are irrelevant. The show, don't tell. And complete the book, please, because I just can't wait to see where this goes. Experiment more and more as you go, on how to keep the reader's focus on the story, without cutting on imagery and visualisation. You don't have to follow every word that I've written, that goes without saying. Read thriller books like Gone Girl and stuff. They are good to understand how to write books where most of the story goes without saying—like Edward's obsession and Jane's fear. Something that I meant to mention above was showing Edward's life outside of his aim in the story. While Jane is underdeveloped towards the 'story' of the book [we don't know how she serves the story individually], Edward is lacking in terms of outside the 'story'.

Of course, all my questions you might counter in the updates of the book. Which is why I would clarify that this is just a review, not a guide on whose basis you will fix your story. Apart from this, all the best for your future writing endeavours! If you've any questions or need any specification on any point, just comment below.