𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙠𝙮𝙪𝙪 𝙤𝙣𝙚-𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙩𝙨

somebody else // kuroken // angst

this was the first haikyuu one shot i wrote and mAN i put so much effort into it lolol. it's in kuroo's pov

song: somebody else by the 1975

~~~

even four months later, there are still no words to describe the way i feel about you, love.

maybe it's just because i'm not good with words. sure, you and i both know how loud i used to be, especially when i was around you. that was just from excitement, though. when it came down to my actual, deep feelings, i never understood how to describe them or even react to them. luckily, you didn't need me to explain them in order for you to get it. you just . . . understood. just one look at my face and you automatically knew if i was upset or not. sometimes, that makes me wonder if you would be able to understand the depth of my love for you with just a single look into my eyes now. of course, though, that can't happen. we haven't seen each other in months, right, love?

you know, i've always heard people say that you can never truly un-love someone once you fall in love with them. people say that this feeling, this horrible and wonderful emotion that nobody has any control over, sticks with you forever. people say that the person you've fallen for will leave an everlasting mark on your heart. that it makes you want to hit them and kiss them and cry and scream and give them all of your love until you can't anymore, and even then you don't want to stop because you're overflowing with emotion for this person, this one person who has taken over every single thought, every single moment of your life.

people say that that's what love is.

kenma, my love, do you still feel that way for me? do i still consume your late night thoughts just as you consume mine? do you ever think about me so much you feel like your head is going to explode from the fact that i'm not with you anymore?

i guess you don't, since i heard you found somebody else to consume your thoughts. and guess what? i laughed when i found out, love. i didn't believe that you would ever move on. you wouldn't have.

you promised forever.

you know, you always called me nothing. not because you hated my stupid jokes and the way i always found a way to be near you, but because i was your nothing, and nothing lasts forever, just like we would. we were forever, right, my love?

just as you promised.

i never stopped believing that promise, kenma. to be honest, i still haven't. i even believed that promise when i walked into that party and saw you. there you were, sitting at a table with your faded blond hair, adorably tired eyes, and, of course, your game. you were alone, my dear, clicking away at the game while the party raged around you. kenma, love, you couldn't be bothered, right? the world was just you and your game.

oh, kenma, you were so beautiful, even in the dim lighting. that was my first time seeing you in months—not since that day when you took all of your stuff from our apartment. even after i watched you leave your key and walk out the door, i still called and asked if you wanted anything more from the apartment, or from me. you always said no. after that, you started ignoring my calls, and i guess i eventually stopped calling.

i still have your number saved.

i even lied and said i was over you, though i knew i still spent hours crying and scrolling through our old pictures. i tried to only do that when i found myself missing you, but that was nearly every night since you were no longer there for me to cuddle with while you stayed awake on your phone, playing yet another game despite it being dreadfully late. you were always there with me when i fell asleep and you were always there with me when i woke up. except you're not anymore, and that was when i relied on our photos to keep me company.