The Truth About Magnus (Malec AU)

Everything is Complicated

"I need to get one of those!" I shouted as we got off. I hadn't meant to be so loud, but my ears were still ringing from the sound caused by the rushing wind. I looked out at the view with awe. We were at the top of a mountain, surrounded by trees, flowers, and open space. No one else was around and suddenly it hit me that we were completely alone for the first time with no fear of anyone ruining our moment. And if anyone did show up we were hours away from home so I doubted that we'd know them. 

I did what I wanted to without fear or thought. I grabbed Magnus, pulled him against me, and kissed him with everything I had inside me. Magnus stayed frozen, like a statue for a moment, and then his hands sank into my back pockets to pull me even closer. Our tongues sparred for space in our mouths as I moaned into his. I swirled my tongue around his and then bit it eliciting a deep groan from him.

A horn honking far below us caused us to pull apart. We both took some time to catch our breath without speaking. I felt completely whole until Magnus spoke. "I'm an idiot."

"What?" I tried to follow his thought process but all I could focus on was his slightly red, swollen lips. 

"Stop it." He wiped at his mouth as if he were disgusted. "We aren't going to just jump back into whatever the hell we are." Magnus turned away from me, grabbed a bag off his bike, and took off down a path.

"I know." I sighed and followed him.

"You can't treat me like this." Magnus shot back without looking at me. He jumped over a fallen tree and pushed back a branch from another tree. He clearly knew this path. "I have not pushed this hard to be my true self just to be some damn hidden boyfriend to be thrown away at will."

"I'm sorry, Magnus." I reached out to grab onto him to stop him but he was moving too quickly. "Please, stop so we can talk."

"Why?" Magnus spun around so fast that I almost ran into him. "Why should I talk to you? You don't want to talk. Not really. You want me to forgive you and just go back to what we were. I'm not doing that. I told you. You promised that you'd tell, but when you had the chance you froze."

"It's complicated."

"Everything's complicated, Alexander." Magnus shook his head. With that said, Magnus turned back to the trail and continued marching forward. I followed him unsure of what to do or say. It wasn't like I could just go home. I was stuck out in the woods with a guy who hated me, a guy I was in love with. 

It took an hour for us to get to the place that Magnus clearly had wanted to find. He stayed silent as he dug through his bag and pulled out a water canteen. He gulped down some water and I watched his throat closely as he swallowed it. Then Magnus chucked the canteen at me. I wanted to thank him but couldn't seem to speak. Instead, I simply took a drink and then set the canteen down as Magnus pulled what looked like a tent out of his bag. 

"Help me." Magnus dropped his bag to the ground and started to unravel the tent. I followed Magnus's lead as we put it together and watched as it easily popped up. It was clearly a one-man tent and I assumed that Magnus never actually shared it with anyone. I wondered if I was going to be sleeping out under the stars in the cold. I had been a complete idiot coming out here with a guy that hated me so much.

Magnus took a seat on a boulder and motioned to one across from it. "Speak."

"I," I started and then shrugged. "I don't know what to say honestly."  

"Just pretend we're two normal guys who were secretly dating and I don't know, maybe let's say you were a complete asshole who let your parents insult and kick out your boyfriend who you had lied to. Maybe start with that." Magnus had a serious look on his face that I had never seen before.

"It's not that simple." I bit my lip and ran my fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry. I know that doesn't mean anything now but I really am. It's just my parents are-" I stopped.

"Complicated?" Magnus cocked an eyebrow at me. "Yeah, it's not about them. It's about you. You're the one who promised me that you would tell them. You assured me that we wouldn't be some dirty little secret, yet as soon as you were confronted you crumpled."

"Mag-" I started to say but stopped when Magnus flung his hand out to quiet me.

"Don't." He took a deep breath and released it slowly. "It's my own damn fault. I believed you. You're not ready to be out and honestly, that's fine. I get it. It's scary to be honest. I don't hate you for it. I just hate myself for thinking that you were willing to give us a real shot, to give yourself a real shot."

"Magnus, I don't get why we have to share this with the world. I love you. Isn't that enough?" I felt a burning lump in my throat. 

"Aren't I enough?" Magnus's voice cracked and I wanted to hold him. "Can't you love me without being ashamed of me?"

"I'm not ashamed of you. Didn't you hear me? I love you. I love you, Magnus Bane." I leaned forward and grabbed his hand. He let me take it between my own. 

"Yes, while we're completely alone." Magnus snorted and shook his head letting his hair fall into his eyes. My fingers itched to reach up and push it out of his face. "If you truly loved me you wouldn't care who knew."

"I could say the same about you." I shot back, angry now. "If you loved me you wouldn't care who knew either."

Magnus chuckled darkly. "If I loved you? If I didn't love you I wouldn't be here. I deserve more than this. I deserve a fearless love from someone who is happy to be with me whether we're in our sweats alone or dressed up surrounded by people. You aren't that guy and I knew you weren't yet I was stupid enough to think you'd become him. I gave you months to change and now I have to live with the fact that all you managed to do was break my heart."

"Come on Magnus, I may not be perfect but when I'm ready to be out and honest with the world I will do it but I can't be forced into it. You came out on your own timeframe so you have to let me do the same."

"I know. But, I'm not going to stay hidden in a closet that I left years ago, just to wait for you to open the door. It's not fair to either of us."

"What changed?" I demanded. "We were so happy and you didn't seem to care until my parents surprised us."

"Yeah, but I thought they already knew. I thought you were just being cautious at school. Your family though? You've told me about how great your parents are. You're close to them and they love you."

"Yes, but if they knew the truth," I shrugged and coughed to try and hide the pain in my voice as my eyes burned with hidden tears. I couldn't say the last part. I couldn't admit that I was afraid they'd hate me for being my true self. They could kick me out like they had threatened Izzy when she simply dated a guy they didn't like. I was dating someone they didn't like and he was a guy. 

"I'm done." Magnus threw his hands up in the air. "We've said how we both feel and there is nothing more to talk about."

"What are we going to do then?" I was so confused. Was he expecting me to just walk home or something?

"There's a lake about an hour's walk away. We're going to go swim and pretend we're happy. Then when we go home tomorrow we're going to leave single. This is our goodbye trip I guess." Magnus got up and headed to another trail. "I always knew I'd bring you here but I honestly thought we'd come here together and leave together still."

"Why does it have to end?" I walked next to him and felt a spark shoot down my spine as he clutched my hand.

"You already know why." Magnus gave my hand a squeeze and pulled it to his lips to drop a gentle kiss on it. "But, no more talk of that. We're just Malec; Magnus and Alexander. The couple who will be together for all eternity."