No more pretending, it's different now

No more pretending: Chp11-hopelessness

recap:

I blacked out with a blooded kiss on my neck, and what i could only describe as a love bite. I believed that he wouldn’t initially mean to cause me the pain i succumbed. So i took it as an act of love, of friendship.

But soon i would know, i was deeply wrong as much as i was deeply right.

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CHAPTER 11- hopelessness

With a flutter of my eye lids; I woke to the dark embrace of the night, only a dim candle flickering in the room, it illuminated his face, casting exaggerated shadows behind him.

“Morning.” The darkness in his voice scared me, i weighed it down making the words thick and dreary. When his eyes flicked towards me, it was then that i remembered last night, the dreaded scene flashed before me, and instinctively i curled deeper into the soft covers of the bed. I reached a hand to my neck and felt the dry crusted blood left over the healing wound.

He stood up from the table he was sitting at, it’s colourful floral table cloth clashing with the atmosphere. He took three long soft steps to get to the side of the bed, kneeling down he trailed his finger along the edge of my jaw making Goosebumps to appear with the caress. I shivered; partly with the terrifying fright of him and partly because of the pleasure the simple gesture caused to stir in me.

“i’m sorry.” He whispered as he leant forward, pressing his face into the crook of my neck, his nose sending breaths of hot air against my wound as if smelling the sweet temptation that my blood brought to him. I felt a wet tear drip onto my pale skin. I lay there paralysed to the world, staring right in front of me, looking deeply at the mindless swirls on the ceiling, the fade in its colour and the crumbling plaster; threatening to fall at any second.

i heard him take in a shaky breath, ragged and trembling at the edges. I felt the rough wetness slip on to my skin as he lapped the dry blood into his mouth, cleaning the wound of the small holes he indented into my body.

“Stop.” I whispered simply as i came out of my daze, wincing from the pain. I put my hands on his chest and pushed with my weak limbs as they flailed drastically trying to shove his heavy carcass off me.

With a beaten sigh he let his tongue retreat, standing up and stepping back, i could see the fight he had to have with himself, with the monster side of him, instinctively instructing him to drink me dry. He lusted for my blood and the will power he had to obtain was an infuriating amount.

His looked at the wall above my head, his eyes distant and his voice slightly robotic. “It’s light now, i can show you the town, you can pick up some cloths.” A puzzled expression switched on to my face immediately.

“C-clothes? Town??”there can’t be...

“It’s not a working town. It’s abandoned... but so are the shops and i am sure you would rather a clean pair of jeans to you rags.” A faint smile appeared to my lips at his kindness; at any time he could pounce on me, and that would be the end of me; Hope Leslie Ness. Or he could easily make me his own personal slave...

I remember back to the time when i was 8 and my mother was trying to explain to me the reasons behind my name: Leslie was my elder cousin’s name, he died the day i was born, he was one of the first to go; to be killed by a phagus. So, of course, out of respect my mother named me after him. She called me ‘hope’ because that what she was thinking when she carried me, she hoped i would survive, i was their hope of life carrying on. I was their new born hope. And they knew only hope can faze them from what’s really happening, only hope can spread the illusion of us living... only hope. But they all knew it was hopeless, Hope-Les (les short for leslie). So all and all i represented the opposite it was supposed to bring; hopelessness, Hope-Les-Ness.

Well of course my mother didn’t think the last part, she only thought of Hope. but i realised soon enough, that my name was subconsciously given to me, that of course, hidden behind the hope of my parents was the doubt behind.

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