The Marionette • Chuuya X Reader

21: Solitary

You should have stayed with him.

•••

"You need someone to make the decisions for you, it's only right for a young girl like you. You shouldn't have to take the blame..."

You stand in front of the small mirror in Elise's room where you were temporarily staying, your big young eyes staring back at you with a mix of fear, confusion and the smallest string of hope for the new life you had been given away from the orphanage. Mori stands behind you, combing your hair into two braids with the expected care and precision from a doctor, his eyes only lifting from his work to your face in the mirror staring at him, to which he would respond with a smile that sent shivers down your spine.

When your eyes move around the room curiously to try to distract yourself, you see Elise turned away admiring new dresses Mori had bought as he gives you unwanted attention, every now and then his eyes trailing to the blonde girl as she squeals happily through all the new items. You don't like the way he looks at her, but most of all you don't like the way he looks back at you as soon as he is done with your braids, adding little bows at the end and turning you around to face him, his long hands cupping your face as his smile returns. Mori's usual dark eyes glitter with pleasure as he caresses your face and pushes back a hair that had falling out, a happy hum coming out of him.

"Yes, my money would go to waste if you end up getting hurt. I know the Port Mafia will become your home soon enough; I'll make sure you always get the right care and fit to my...desires. For the mafia and for you."

•••

At least the caring would have stopped.

You stand outside in the rain feeling every droplet running down your face like tears, the wind blowing your hair back, your dark coat wrapped around your body as you hug yourself to keep warm.

After the elevator argument with Chuuya, you had gone to your room and ripped off the bandages placed on you by Dazai, trying to cleanse yourself of anything to do with him. You showered though the feeling of the water on your still fresh wounds was painful, throwing out Dazai's clothes immediately after and changing into a loose, long sleeved, black dress; that being the first thing you found in your wardrobe that wouldn't rub against the grave scrapes on your knees since you didn't have the supplies to wrap them up yourself. Still in a panic, you felt trapped in your room, so taking your coat you decided to roam the dark halls of the Port Mafia headquarters. However, even then you felt it all closing in, the voices of your past haunting ever corner, the reminder that you were now very much alone drowning under the rest of the unpleasant memories.

That's how in the end, you ended up outside, and though the cold air you breathe in feels like ice against your lungs, you feel a little more at peace...save the overwhelming guilt eating you up from the inside.

Your heart hurts.

You want to scream at the world though there is no one left that would listen to any of your pleading.

You don't understand why it had to be you to be given such a life. Digging deep inside you, all you ever wanted was someone to care about you and make you feel like you mattered. When you were little, you had been completely alone in a darkness you've blocked out of your memories until Mori took you to the Port Mafia. At first, you hoped he would give you that care you looked for, but he gave you far from that. Even Elise couldn't be the friend you longed for...she was Mori's creation, after all. Then, with Dazai, you became ruthless for his approval. At least then, you were useful, wanted and important to someone in some way. Albeit, the consequences of that attachment you created has ruined you since. All your life you'd been nothing but a pretty doll on a shelf or the perfect marionette with flawless execution after orders from the puppeteer himself. It didn't matter because it was for Dazai; even now you don't regret it.