The Marionette • Chuuya X Reader

3: Remnants

You can't sleep. Every time you close your eyes, all you see is your reflection after days of not eating when Dazai deserted the mafia, or even when he was here and forced you to sit in the dark, punishing you for acting on your own. You feel the remains of the tears wanting to spill but having none, the guilt of the small relief you felt not having Dazai control every part of you anymore trying to eat away at you; but even then, you don't understand why you feel any of it.

Dazai had saved you from being Mori's playmate.

Dazai had saved you from being worthless, and alone; even if he only allowed you to talk to him.

So why did he leave me?

Why do I feel so...complicated?

Now, you relive those nightmares as you lay awake, fear closing in as you realize you have to follow someone else so unknown to you after years of being only led by Dazai, all the names on your walls laughing at you as you ask yourself if you are still worth anything if not under his command.

Who am I anymore?

You blame Chuuya's attitude for making you second-guess it all and feeling ridiculous for being repulsed by entering this room again, when this room had been the keeper of all you became.

Dazai had called it your greatness. Now...you aren't sure what you have.

Slowly, you force yourself to close your eyes, to sleep even if only for a few minutes, trying to assure yourself it will all be ok.

Chuuya may not be Dazai, but my job is still the same, right? Maybe if I just follow all I've done before...it'll all be fine. I'll show them they aren't letting me out for nothing.

I won't complicate anything with these feelings again.

I'll simply listen as I was taught to...Chuuya doesn't have to be any different from Dazai. I was being an idiot earlier. I'm not a child anymore.

I shouldn't ask so many questions.

I'm only a weapon...a marionette.

•••

When you woke up again from the very little sleep you were able to attain, you quickly, and without any delay, get ready and set out to meet up with Chuuya on the main floor of the Port Mafia headquarters, your motivation being the reminder that he had emphasized not being late to get started on the mission.

Finding him, you are taken aback by the amount of people around getting ready on the low to work in teams in case anything went wrong during the mission, though the look in their faces told you that they highly doubted it, and you realize why when your eyes fall on Chuuya. The executive stands confidently in the centre, fixing his gloves as he talks on the phone with someone you have no way of recognizing, his full concentration on the call until his gaze lands on you, an expression you can't read flashing across his face. A few moments later, he finished up with whoever is on the end of the line and walks over to you, handing you your own phone.

"This is for you to hold on to from now on. You can use it to contact anyone on my team, including me, for now. If anything were to happen, we can also track you through it." Chuuya explains, shooting a look behind him when his subordinates start to murmur amongst them out of curiosity of your appearance.

You stare at the phone sitting in your hands now, not wanting to show how surprised you are at being allowed so much contact, placing it in your coat pockets with a grateful nod towards Chuuya. For some reason, when your eyes and Chuuya's azure ones meet for a split second, you are sure he can see right through you, and you feel a chill go down your spine.