Shadows of the Past

Chapter 9

"Here we are – intensive therapy," announced Tetch as he pushed open the door to reveal a room full of bizarre-looking machines.

"I've only been in here once before," muttered Two-Face, glaring around. "The shrinks wanted to scan my brain to find out if certain areas lit up more strongly when my bad side took over. I made them scan it twice just to be sure. Which turned out to be my mistake because it hurt like hell."

"Yes, unlike other scanners, the machines in here actually are invasive," replied Tetch. "But I suppose that's necessary when the brain is irreparably damaged – one must literally reshape it."

"Didn't do much for me except give me a huge headache," retorted Two-Face.

"Well, it should hopefully be able to undo whatever damage was done on the Joker's brain by the violence he's suffered," said Tetch, heading over to examine a machine.

"Wait, wait, wait, you expect me to just sit down and cooperate with that?" asked Joker, pointing to the machine Tetch was looking at. It was a chair with leather straps at the arms and legs, and attached was a dome that appeared to go over the head, with several needles poking out of it. "Sweetheart, you're hot, but you're not worth going through torture for. Sorry, I'm outta here."

"You're not going anywhere," growled Ivy, standing in front of the doorway. "Harley's getting her pathetic excuse for a boyfriend back the way he was, even if I have to beat you into unconsciousness myself. It would be a pleasure, whatever persona you have."

"Don't threaten me, toots!" snapped Joker. "I'm a dangerous man..."

"And I'm a crazy woman," retorted Ivy. "So please, just give me an excuse."

"Mr. J, you gotta do this if you wanna be right again," pleaded Harley.

"I'm plenty right!" snapped Joker. "I'm Jack Napier, notorious criminal and hitman! What's not right about that?"

"You're not my Joker!" snapped Harley. "And that's who you truly are, deep down inside, just like I'm Harley Quinn! And I know Mr. J's still in there somewhere, and we're gonna get him back. So sit down!" she snapped, pointing to the chair.

"Baby, as much as I love it when you're being forceful, I am not letting a bunch of lunatics stick needles in my brain!" snapped Joker.

"Yes, you are," retorted Two-Face, pulling out both his guns. "Do as the lady says, J."

Joker looked from Two-Face to Ivy, and then suddenly seized Harley around the waist, holding a knife to her throat. "I'm leaving here now," he snapped. "And I'm taking the doll with me."

"You're doing no such thing," retorted Ivy. "But you've just given me an excuse."

"Red, don't hurt him!" exclaimed Harley.

"Harley, when somebody's holding a knife to your throat, you're not meant to be concerned for their welfare!" snapped Ivy.

"Well, gee, Red, he threatens me with violence all the time, but I still love him," retorted Harley.

"If one could sum up the problem with your relationship in one sentence, that would be it," sighed Crane.

"I mean it – I'm leaving, so don't try anything funny!" snapped Joker.

Harley sighed. "Mr. J woulda laughed at that," she murmured. "God, I miss him. Having a knife held to my throat by anyone else just isn't the same."

"You both need to stand back now," snapped Joker, glaring at Ivy and Two-Face. "You think I won't cut her throat?"

"I think you will, but then I've always thought that someday," sighed Ivy. "The fact that we're going through all this effort to replace a violent psychopath with a slightly different violent psychopath is a horrendously unfunny joke that not even J would be amused by."