Shadows of the Past

Chapter 8

"You guys have done an amateur job casing this joint," spoke up Joker. "Just saying. You sure you're all real criminals, and not just nutcases?"

"Believe me, we've cased it plenty from the inside over the years, Mr. J," retorted Harley. "You don't remember, but I busted you outta here not so long ago."

"What was I in here for?" asked Joker.

"Being crazy," retorted Two-Face. "Just like the rest of us. The clue's kinda in the name Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane..."

"Y'know, I often thought that if the cops ever caught me, I'd try to get off on an insanity plea," said Joker, thoughtfully. "Maybe this clown persona you keep talking about did just that. Maybe he's only pretending to be crazy to avoid jail or the chair."

"Maybe that's something we all do," retorted Ivy. "J's hardly original like that. Though I admit it would be hard to fake his type of insanity."

"The Joker does know how to commit to a gimmick, you've got to give him that," said Tetch, nodding.

"He used to," agreed Harley. "And I really miss that about him. It's weird for Mr. J to just look at you blankly when you ask him to blow the whoopie cushion..."

"Ok, let's not have Harley give us images that won't let us sleep later, and get to work instead," interrupted Ivy. She held up a walkie-talkie. "Johnny, how's the guardhouse looking from where you are?"

"The guard has just finished what I believe is termed a 'big gulp' soda, which should mean about a gallon of liquid is pressing urgently on his bladder," replied Crane from the walkie talkie. "I would surmise a bathroom break is in order shortly."

"Must be that PhD that makes him so smart," muttered Two-Face under his breath.

"I heard that!" snapped Crane. "I don't have to go through all this rigmarole if I'm only going to be abused for it!"

"Johnny, I really appreciate what you're doing for Mr. J," cooed Harley into the walkie-talkie.

"But she's still not gonna sleep with you," finished Joker. "That pie is all mine!"

"Oh God, I think I'm gonna be sick," muttered Ivy.

"Could everyone please be quiet – we're not invisible here, you know, and this isn't a sanatorium for the deaf!" snapped Tetch. He, Harley, Joker, Ivy, and Two-Face were all gathered behind the back wall of Arkham Asylum. Crane had been voted the lightest out of all the group, so he had been the one they had lifted rather unwillingly over the wall to scout out the current security measures.

There was a reason there were so many regular breakouts from Arkham Asylum, and that was because the security, despite head doctor Leland's frequent pleas to her staff and the city council, was notoriously lax. The guards, as might be expected, were less than enthusiastic about their job (that tended to happen when you risked being horribly murdered by the inmates every day) and so did as little work as possible as badly as possible. They couldn't be fired, since nobody else would take their jobs for even double the salary, so they basically did whatever they wanted. And what the guard in the guardhouse wanted at this particular moment was a bathroom break.

"He's gone," said Crane through the walkie-talkie as the guard headed into the asylum for the toilet. "You are clear to enter."

"Y'know, I woulda just shot the guard," retorted Joker. "But then I wouldn't be planning a break-in into a mental asylum. No profit in that. The loonies don't keep cash on 'em as far as I know, and even the doctors ain't stupid enough to carry their massive salaries around in their wallets."