everything you seek is within

*9*

I step out of the shower wrapping my pink towel around my body and headed for the kitchen. I feel hungry all the time and everything i previously liked makes me nauseous . Is no wonder i can't feel anything but anger. All this is happened soo fast and i dont know  how to deal with it.

I found Tasha in the kitchen and i cant help the fury building up inside me. She is ready to party as always.

" Can't you wear something less whoristic"? I said disgusted of her off shoulder red dress that barely cover her tits and not to forget ridiculously short.

Tasha ignored me and concentrated on her food." Im the pregnant one and eat like it's the other way round". I continued provoking her. It doesn't make me feel any better but its her fault I'm in this state. " A i know its the hormones working on you. I'm soo sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve to go through it". She said apologetically.

I laughed an evel laugh. " Ofcoarse you should be sorry. If you didn't introduce me to this miserable life i wouldn't be going through this and for the millionth time its Alisha. You can't be so lazy". I said fuming with anger.

" Seriously that's lame girl. The blame game? Grow your ass up and own up to your shit". She said not taking her eyes the plate she held in the hand.

Now she has done it and i don't hold back. " Look at you. You are ready to whore all night and do some random guy who is willing to do it for the night. How do you live with yourself knowing you are a cheap slut ? The only reason people don't use the official word is because you give it up for free. You know what? The pregnant one should be you. I'm not the one who opens my legs every single day. What are you a dog? And the one who needs to grow here is you. You can't be a party freak alcoholic forever. The only reason you never really get drunk any more is because your system is immune to alcohol. It has no effect on you anymore" i said releasing the anger i have been building for the last couple of days.

Tasha just stood the emotionless dropping the plate she held breaking into tiny peaces  before i could register she run out of the door. Right!  she cant miss f***** for the world. Just great.

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When i woke up Tasha was already up watering the flowers with Snoffy besides her. I didnt mean to be soo rude to her last night so i want to apologize. I feel so bad for her she was just trying to help. I need to make things right.

I waited for her to sit down on the couch in the living room before taking the sit besides her. She is ignoring. Her eyes are everywhere but on me. She took the remote and turned to tv on. She tuned to channel 0 and that's when i knew. She is simply ignoring me Tasha preferred trace urban and found channel 0 boring. The music played softly and she pretended to watch. I roll my eyes playfull who watches music vedios as if it where news?

'' Ta- sha m-m- m..." i started to stutter and before i could try again Tasha held her hand infront of me to stop me from going any further.

" Alisha stop. You know I've heard it all last time and i need no more. Listen ever since i met you i loved you as a sister. I never even for a minute judged or even came close to. You know why? I'm in no position to judge anyone given myself. When i saw how miserable you where i tried to help. And i did help the only way i know hoe to. And forgive me but you never complained. I didn't know you are ashamed and disgusted of me. Sorry for dragging you in my world." As she spoke tears rolled down her chicks and i begin to cry too. I've destroyed my best friend. She never cried. I never even once saw her cry. She was always the confident bright girl giving off positive energy and now here she is breaking down infront of me. And I'm the coarse of her pain. And i begin to see a different side of her. A vulnerable girl with soo much pain and fear in her eyes.

" Tasha i didn't  mean what i said last night pls forgive me
." I said apologetically

" Yes you are sorry but you mean every word." She said in a small voice. I opened my mouth and closed it back.  I realised she is right. But do regret it and the apology is genuine. I'm not close to being perfect either and have absolutely no right to judge her. She is my bestfriend for all that's  good how could i be soo cruel.

'' The things you say in anger Alisha are simply those you dont have the balls to say when not. But i never expected that from you. I guess i trusted you way too much. Alisha the world judges me but you are not them you are my best friend. Just know given the reverse of roles i would have never ever done that to you."  She said with soo much dissappointment in her eyes. Meanwhile i shed crocodile tears not knowing if its from regret shame or sadness i felt wash over me all at once.