everything you seek is within

°2°

I wake up to something cuddling up next to me. Did i mention my head feels like it was run over by a motorcycle. It hurts like hell and my body ain't feeling any better. My eyes are struggling to open but when they do they are met with the warmth of sunshine. My eyes ache from the crying and i feel cold. I slept on the floor its nowonder. I can barely feel my bones. I frawn i pain. Yet my physical pain is nothing compared to the hole and emptiness i feel inside, it hurts soo much. I didnt realise i was crying again until the tears invaded my mouth. And i wondered. What now? I have noone to turn to absolutely noone.

After the death of Ally i was left beyond brocken. My friends couldn't stand me anymore. I let grief absorb me soo much i pushed away every single person i knew. But to my amusement it didnt take much of an effort for them to go running. Only three weeks and 5 days sobbing in my room and ignored all their texts and calls. Ok that was unfair to them but why couldnt they understand me or atleast try. Ally was more than a sister to me. She was my bestfriend. My alarm. My personal adviser. My arm to lean on. She was the only mother i knew. After the death of our mom she dedicated her life to protecting me . Providing me with everything i needed and i never went without. She sacrificed her happiness for mine. And i have never thanked her enough. But she knew i loved her more than anything in the world. Now here i am alone without her. I get off the floor and head to table near my bed. I took her picture and held it close to my heart. I cried deeply and held in tightly to the picture of my sister i took on one of the trips she always took me in holidays. She was happy after a long day watching the sunset. She loved the sun set. She was my pillar of strength. She was always soo strong. I mean she raised me from the age of
4 when she was 15. It takes courage to do that. She could have easily abandoned me but she didnt and am forever grateful to her. But why did she leave me all alone in this world. I had everything but now all i have is this house and the money she left behind. She knew she was going to die. She was diagnosed with cancer years ago and the chemotherapy helped until there was nothing left to be done. She never told me i could have atleast help her have the best final days . But i know that is a lie. I would have been devastated and would just have made her last days miserable. She knew me better than anyone else.

What am i gonna do without you Ally. I cant even cook a proper meal besides boiling noodles. Nor can i do laundry, or iron without burning anything. Now i see why you where trying soo hard to teach me everything but i was too busy. I was being ignorant coz i thought i never needed to learn because you where always here. But now is only me and Snoffy. Its as if he can sence my sadness he isn't playing about. He is staring at me with sympathetic eyes, and cuddles me to sleep. I don't pay much attention to him since Ally left. I'm such a bad dog owner.

(I'm glad i made it through that chapter alive.I really feel sorry for Allisha. Life is soo not fair. But remember you are never complitely alone. Someone make that a whole lot of people you don't even know. Are willing to listen. Sometimes all you need to do is get it off your chest. I for one is only a watpad text away. I wont leave you in time of need. You are loved and cared for😚❤💛)