Lust or Love

Ep.12.

ARUS' POV

He was shocked. As me. This was the first time that I realized I am in love with Earht and the first time that I said it even to myself. When that Sam guy came to my door and asked for him, some pain sat on my heart and while they were arguing at the door I felt something that I've never felt before...jealousy. I thought he will convince him to go back with him. I thought this was the last time that I would be able to look at his beautiful eyes. I hardly kept myself from interfering them and kick that Sam guy out of his life...our life...

"Do you aware what you are saying Arus?" he asked with disbelief in his eyes with some remaining tears.

"I know you don't believe me. Maybe even you don't trust me. But Earth, please please do not refuse me immediately. Just think what we had just a moment ago. Even our breaths not even yet. Just hear me out please?"

"No Arus...this is not love as you believed. This is just lust you bottled up in years. You cannot love me. Don't you love Leila? "

I knew there was a very intense lust between us and it was undeniable and I knew it would be difficult to convince him since he was very very upset and suprised. He was just shaking his head continuesly as a no.

"I always loved her and always will but that is not as what I felt for you Earth. I know what I feel. I tried to ignore and not think about it since the night we met. I tried to ignore the sparks in my heart since that night after I left you to sleep. I've never felt like that for nor a woman neither a man before you. You have to understand me and my feelings towards you. I want you for myself Earth. I want to live a real life."

"Arus let's just say that I believed in you, I am not even sure about myself. I don't know if I love you or not. Maybe this is just lust I felt towards you. I accept that you affected me at that night and because of that I chose you to seduce. I headed towards you like a butterfly to the light. But I cannot say that is love for sure. Do you understand me?"

"I can wait for you to be sure Earth. I lost you once but after this night I cannot lose you again. I want to be with you from now on."

"What about Leila?" he was suffering while he was mentioning her name. I could understand he felt he was indepted for her. But after so many years I kept myself back and was thoughtful of her and others, I didn't want to think about anyone except myself and Earth. I knew it was selfish but if I couldn't do this for myself now, I would never do this again. This time was my last bullet. My last chance to live my real life.

"She will understand when she hear me. Just be mine and beside me. I will talk to her when she came back tomorrow. Please be there for me, ok?"

He didn't open his mouth to respond me. He put his head in his two hand and cried silently. I panicked. What should I do to convince him? What should I do to make him believe me, to love me?

EARTH'S POV

God please help me. Show me the way to walk away.

I admitted that I was falling for Arus lately, but I was keeping it to myself. I was getting ready to leave this house when I got well with my leg. I've never thought to confess my feelings to him. God, I even didn't know what I feel for him. And with this uncertan feelings I couldn't be a homewrecker. I couldn't do this to Leila. She was like an angel for me. I could never look her eyes anymore. This night was a huge mistake. Yes we did this before but I didn't know her at that time. It was different. He didn't stop me. He didn't mentioned that he is married. But tonight was...ahh as if an elephant sat on my shoulders. A big knot in my stomach. He said tomorrow will be the day.