Longing After Wang Ye's Shadow

Chapter 8: Between Servant and Master IV

My head... is spiraling.

What is happening?

I can't remember...

I can only remember surviving the wilds along with Wang Ye. How could I have perished without even realizing? People in the manor treated me as usual, so I didn't notice.

How could I have thought anything was different? Wang Ye have not treated me any differently either.

It's unbelievable.

I can't remember at all. 

When and how did I die?

Absent-mindedly, I walk into the kitchen and find Xiao Bai busily chopping vegetables.

"I'm not dead. How can I be? All these months, I've been cooking and cleaning. Looking after Wang Ye. There's no explanation for what happened earlier, but no way am I a spirit."

Right?

I attempt to pick up a plate on the counter. My hands appear transparent, and my fingers go through the porcelain surface and through the table as well.

"Wh-- What?"

I... used to be able to pick up things. I used to be able to do chores and bring food to Wang Ye.

"Wh-- Why can't I?"

Aiming my hands at various objects, I try to grab a hold of anything. Like air, my hands fail to grasp at any physical object.

How could I have ended up like this?

In the depth of the night, I wander through the manor as before. I don't know where my mind went. Confused, hurt and abandoned, I have no purpose in this mortal realm, yet I was left here to be invisible.

I had thought death would save me and now it looks like not even death could depart me from this miserable life.

It's all because of her.

She did this to me? Isn't she like some sort of witch who carries talismans around? If she hadn't approached me then I would have lived on unknowingly and still enjoyed what little joy there was in my life!

I have to find her, and make her compensate!

Quickly making my way to Kai Yun, I immediately come to a stop. My legs no longer staggered along with my movements. Staring down at my feet, I realize I no longer limp. I was moving as I'd always dreamed one day I'd be able to!

"M-- My legs? When have I..." Stretching my legs one after another, I take a few more quick steps. Moving fast, I can't believe I haven't noticed my disability's absence.

I can walk without limping...

Running, for the first time in my undead life, I'm running. I can feel my chest tightening from the exercise.

I'm out of breath, reaching Kai Yun. For just a few seconds, I recover and my insides subsides from feeling deep piercing.

About to enter through the opened gate, a golden barricade suddenly emerges. Stinging my skin, I take a step back.

"Is this barrier from the talismans?"

But I was able to pass through before without any trouble. Why can't I now?

"It's warding me off?"

I back up only to turn back and run toward the gates again.

"Ack!"

I'm thrown back, landing on the ground with a thud.

"Wang Ye! I only did that to protect you. I swear I didn't mean to cause trouble for you with His Majesty." I hear a whiny voice come from down the path.

It's Wang Ye! And that girl is with him.

"I understand. But there's no need to put yourself in danger," he calmly explains.

Watching them approach, I stand and dust off the dirt on my dress. The girl locks eyes with me and stops walking.

As they get closer, I feel the urge to run to Wang Ye and explain that I'm still alive. However, my feet dared not move from its place.

Wang Ye bids her good night and leaves for his residence. The girl doesn't care to say anything to me. Turning her back, she is about to enter Kai Yun.

"What did you do to me?" I ask.

Over her shoulder, she says, "What are you talking about?"

"You did some kind of black magic on me, didn't you? You put a spell on me and now I can't pick up things or get past talismans. What did you do?"

She turns around. Calmly, she crosses her arms. "I didn't do anything. It's you who has done that to yourself."

"You--"

"You've become aware."

"Aware?"

"When a spirit becomes aware that they are no longer mortal, they lose a lot of their power. When you were unaware, you went about your life as if you were still alive, doing things you'd normally do before you died. Thus, you were probably able to do what you wanted all the while freaking out everyone here."

"That... doesn't make sense."

"I don't need to have it make sense to you. You should leave the manor now and move on to the afterlife."

"I can't."

She sighs, "Just to let you know, I am not going to help you with any unfinished business. I have my own things to deal with."

"I... I don't know how to move on to the afterlife. I don't know how to function as a spirit here on earth. I'm lost."

And scared.

She walks a few steps toward me. "Look, the sooner you can cross over, the better. Lingering will only turn out for the worst."

"But Wang Ye..."

"Wang Ye? He will be fine without you."

He will be fine without me? Without me?

"My presence in this world really didn't leave a noticeable mark. Not even Wang Ye mourned me. That's how I was. Unnoticeable. Not worthy of anyone's affection."

"Fine. I will give him your last words. What do you want to say?"

I stare into her eyes, my sight blurring each second. "Better not. Wang Ye will only be burdened that a spirit like me still thinks of him."

Leaving, I feel more confused than ever. The girl didn't offer me any solace nor insight on how I could leave to the afterlife.

Is my only option to leave the manor? Take my chances out there? There must be countless lost souls out there in the world. Such a scary thought.