Envy

Twenty Seven.

Twenty seven.

December.

I feel my heart twinge as I goggle at the clock on the wall of my apartment. I'm not ready for this. I'm foolish to think I ever was - or will be - ready for this.

I still love Niall, I still want Niall, and I still imagine Niall coming through this door and taking me out on one of our special dates. Tour the streets of Courtwall, as he hides his face away from people, and squeezes my hand, and peppers kisses over my forehead, and wipes ice cream dripping on my chin, and helps me up when I trip on my feet, and just being there for me and loving me and reminding me that he loves me and always will.

Lies!

He will never always love me, and God knows if he ever did. How is it possible for him to so simply withdraw from our relationship? One year together, and four years of friendship! How fucking dare he?

I clog on my tears, trying to stop them from falling and ruining my make-up. I had spent a long time trying to fix my make-up, crying and re-doing it all over for three times in a row, because I just want to feel pretty and wanted by someone. Maybe it's not Niall who's going to surge through that door, but it is someone.

A knock echoes through the apartment and I look at my outfit one last time, nod at myself and run to the door. I open it and see a handsome looking Louis, smiling shyly at me. His hair dishevelled, and messy as usual, his legs donned in a pair of black skinny jeans, an orange plane hoodie, a coat and his orange sneakers. He actually looks breath-taking, and just for a second, Niall leaves my mind.

"Jeans?" he chuckles and studies my outfit, making me blush as he checks me out, "I've literally never seen you in jeans love" my stomach flutters with the nickname, and God I long for Niall calling me that - however, he stuck to 'babe' as a pet name.

"It's freezing cold outside" I say and pull my coat tighter around my body, locking the door behind me and walking down the stairs alongside Louis.

"Innit? My balls were about to fall off when I came out the shower" he exclaims and I flush at the easiness of his words, "I mean- oh fuck it" he mumbles.

I giggle at his nervousness but remain quiet; I don't want to disclose something stupid and ruin this for the both of us.

Louis doesn't have a car, so we had to walk in the freezing air to wherever he's planning to take me.

"It's really not that far" he says, enveloping his hands with his pockets, "I'm sorry I don't have a car to take us there, but I chose the closest place to your apartment" seems like we're both short on money. The taxi drivers here are assholes and take advantage of you! Good lord did they take 8 pounds from here to Maxwell's when it was a simple 15 minute drive. We were all dependent on Zayn's not-so-fancy car. Doesn't matter if it's really old and ugly, what matters is, it has an engine and could run.

"Mystique, my favourite" he says, and escorts me inside the coffee shop. I look around, and wonder, how come I have never spotted this place before? It's absolutely bewildering. The smell of coffee consumes me and I smile to myself, it smells like calmness and love. The place is decorated with a calm beige interior, looking like it came out of the Elizabeth era. The couches were occupied by couples and students studying for their exams, tables immersed with people, and baristas running around.

Small, and cute, damn cosy.

Louis takes me to the far corner of the coffee shop, away from everyone else. He seats me, and goes to get our drinks. I told him to order for me - my dependence on people ordering for me remains, even if I have travelled across the country away from it!

"Mexican spiced hot cocoa and Malted Hot Cocoa with Toasted Marshmallows for me. Also, red velvet cake, I love red velvet" he blabbers. I chuckle and take a bite of the cake.

"Me too, red velvet is my favourite" I say.

"Great, I was worried I had gotten the wrong order" he bites on his lip nervously. I wave my hand offhandedly as a response and stare at the couple behind us.

They seem like they're fighting, as the girl wipes away the tears falling down her cheeks, looking around hoping no one looks at her, and her boyfriend looking guilty and annoyed at the same time. Poor couple, I wish I could help the girl... make her feel better about herself, and not how that bastard is making her feel as we speak!

Louis turns around and looks at what I'm observing, then turns back to face me, his cheeks flushed red.

"You alright?" he asks, and snaps me from my thoughts of the poor couple.

"Yeah, sorry, they're fighting..." I gesture with my head at the couple behind him.

"Yeah, that's what couples do sometimes" he smiles.

"Yeah, I would know" I mumble and he clears his throat awkwardly, "I'm sorry" I say, back tracking about this whole thing, "It's just, I've been through a bad relationship before, and I'm just, not used to going out with other people you know?"

"I understand..." Louis says, and looks down at the inside of his mug. I smack my head several times mentally. Why do I keep ruining this? I thought I could handle this, be human, and normal. But I'm fucking mental, and I can't stop ruining this.

"Let's just, let's get to know each other" Louis changes the subject thankfully, and I nod in response, "we'll play 20 questions, and if there's a question you don't want to answer you just pass it, alright?" he explain.

I nod at the instructions; maybe it would be good for me to know someone else, someone other than Niall.

"Right, so, favourite colour?" he starts.

The questions are quite simple, and entertaining. I got to know his favourite colour is red, and his favourite band is The Fray, also he likes to read in his free time and hates wearing toms.

We then drifted off to sharing funny stories with each other, with mostly him speaking, in between the questions.

"So, reckon you'd get a tattoo soon?" he asks me, looking at my bare skin, as I have explained I don't have a tattoo.

"I don't know really, maybe someday, just not anytime soon. It looks quite painful"

"It's not that painful"

"Yeah, but you have like 20 planted on your body, you're numb to the pain" I chuckle.

"You get used to it" he subconsciously rubs on his arrows tattoo, smiling.

"Do any of your tattoos mean anything?" it's my turn to ask.

"Some I guess, others are kind of drunken mistakes, or random ones" he pushes his hair off his forehead and looks at the time, "it's 10 pm" he exclaims shocked.

"Time goes by too fast I guess" I shrug and get up, putting on my coat, "I think we should get going"

"Yeah - yeah of course" he puts on his coat as well and helps me out, as we walk our way back to my apartment in silence.

+

"I really had a good time tonight, it's nice getting to know your mysteries" he says, shuffling from foot to foot.

"Thank you, been a while since I had that much fun, or a long conversation with someone other than Ha-..." I cough, covering up Harry's name.

"Well, I'll see you Monday" he leans down and kisses my cheek, leaving a fiery spot from the touch, turns a round and leaves me leaning on the door perplexed by the effect his kiss had on me.

I had forgotten how it felt to be touched like that, even the simple brush of a lip. God did it feel good to be touched again. My cheeks burn coral red as I close the apartment door and my stomach wobbles and I just know the butterflies have been awakened!

Maybe... maybe this is how it feels like to move on.

+

((this is dedicated to my beautiful girl @famtaq who won't stop encouraging me to write - also, shit load of louis FOR YOU BABY GIRL I LOVE YOU! x 

thank you so much for reading xx))