Envy

Seventeen.

Seventeen.

I stare at the ceiling, my hands at my sides in surrender. I trying to find a flaw on the walls, anything at all that could give me a believable reason as to why I'm leaving today. Nothing. Everything is perfect in this room. From the paint to the smell of it. How am I going to leave Courtwall? Just like that? Go into a different apartment and make it my home all over again. My home, all by myself. Again.

"You alright?" I look at the source of the sound, Harry's weight on his left shoulder against the door of my bedroom, donned in a black t-shirt and white shorts.

"Hmm?" I ask, distracted by how long his legs are, and how disheveled his hair looks like, and the shiny green of his eyes by the light coming from the windows, "Yeah- yeah" I push myself off the bed and look outside the window. It's sunny. Niall must be in town if it's sunny.

"Ready?" he asks, not moving a single muscle.

"No" I mumble truthfully, "This suddenly feels wrong"

Harry chuckles and moves towards my empty dresser, handing me the clothes I had arranged the night before, set and ready for a long journey.

"You can't cave away now, you already paid for the train's ticket" he jokes lightheartedly. I don't really think he's in the mood for any sense of humor, because I could feel the tension of his back muscles, and without warning, I wanted to jump off a cliff again for putting him through this.

I'm taken aback by Riley's little paws scratching the wooden floor as he dances his way to Harry's legs, rubbing his head against his leg begging for attention. I frown disappointed with the lack of care I have given Riley, as he seems to be more accustomed to Harry than me. He immediately shies away from me as he sees me staring.

I have already decided to leave Riley with Harry. This decision rose from the fact that this happens to be a part of Niall that remains with me, and I'm trying so hard to escape the devil himself. But instead he marks himself on me by branching the cutest puppy from him in my life. No, unacceptable. I adore Riley, but this is the reason I don't accept gifts from Niall, they're all evil. I'm sure I'm just exaggerating and Riley isn't evil, but the thought of Niall's gift is overall the outcome of evil.

"Yeah" I walk into the bathroom and brush my teeth, glancing in the mirror, watching Harry's reflection as he sets my bed together, pulling on the sheets aggressively. I close my eyes and wash my face with cold water, trying to calm down my dancing nerves.

"I made breakfast, so just get dressed" he says, bends down and picks Riley up and leaves me alone in the cold room. I had switched on the AC at night, feeling hot, bothered and awfully nervous all night. I don't even remember sleeping before my alarm was set off.

I pull on a pair of black leggings, matching it with a plain orange dress and a jeans jacket. I braid my hair to the side and breathe in as much oxygen as possible from the opened window, staring at the empty neighborhood that I'm leaving in less than fifteen minutes.

My heart clenches at the sight of Harry, dressed in skinny jeans and a blue button-up - he had changed. He didn't fix his hair, as it flew all over his head, and I wanted to hug him close to me and tell him it's alright, it's fucking alright and I will come back soon. But will I? Will I come back soon?

I receive nothing from Harry as we eat breakfast in silence. His cold demeanor frightens me. He's angry, I can feel it. I wish I could read whatever is going on in his mind to break the silence. But the silence is nowhere to be broken, for its cutting me into pieces. The ride to the train station was even worse. Harry didn't even switch on his odd indie music to calm him. All I could hear was his shallow breathing, and the sound of the engine of the car, as he drove with direct attention towards the road.

"Say something" I finally speak up as I stare at my train, "Please, say something" I beg, as tears rise at the corners of my eyes.

"What do you want me to say?" he mumbles, looking around but my face, the opposite of me, as all I could do is study the structure of his handsome face.

"Don't just - do that!" I fling my hands across his chest.

He holds both my shoulders and hugs me close and tight towards his body, the side of my face against his chest. I could hear the rapid beats of his heart, not normal. Not normal at all.

"I'm going to miss you, please, do keep in contact" he whispers in my ears, as I nod against his chest. He pushes me towards the train and stands at the door, staring at me walk away from him. Step after step, so far away from him.

I sit at my assigned seat and stare at him through the window. He doesn't stay long; he gives one last wave and turns around. Last thing I saw of his face was the tear falling from his eye as he tries to cover it up hastily by rubbing it off. Harry, don't cry for me.

+

It's raining. It's terribly and disturbingly raining. Standing in the middle of the rain, in an uncomfortable neighborhood, I find myself missing the friendliness of Courtwall. If I was stuck in a situation like this, where it's pouring rain and I'm surrounded by two heavy bags, someone would help in Courtwall. But here, no one gives a shit. I see people pass by me without a second glance, as if afraid from me.

I sigh and groan, pulling my luggage towards the building where I had rented the cheapest apartment. The neighborhood fits the price. I am already afraid someone was going to lurk from the shadows and stab me. With that thought in mind, I run inside the building, drying myself with my hands.

I'm incredibly wet, and freezing cold. And hate it already. I enter the elevator; to only realize that's it's not on service. I chuckle loudly and oh yes, great time I'm having around here. Great.

"Where's Harry when you need him" I mumble to myself as I pull my luggage up the stairs, already regretting bringing all my clothes with me. Should have left some in Harry's apartment. He could have sent them to me later on...

After a lot of groaning and whining and crying, I reach the third floor and stare at my apartment door. It looks wrecked and ready to fall down any minute. If I just push it with my leg it would crash open - I'm going to have a great night knowing that.

On entering the apartment, I sniff the smell of wet wood and rain, and lots of cold heavy air. It's freezing. I can't help but wish the heat isn't broken in this apartment. Shouldn't have rushed and rented the first apartment I found online. Patience is a virtue Marisol.

I lock the door carefully behind me and place my flats neatly beside the entrance of the door. My feet are wet, and my toes were nearing the stage of frostbite.

"Home, sweet home"

+

((i had written like three chapters already, and my laptop was in my room without internet, so, that explains late updates haha, but anyway, i'm continuting with each day an update, so thank you so so so much for reading, and please do comment and vote, lots of love xx))