Envy

Twenty Four.

Twenty four.

You promised we'd stay in touch, I read the millionth text I have received from Harry. The process of avoiding mother and Harry hasn't been going as great as I would want it to be. Mother has called me a million times, and to be fair, I wasn't around the phone to pick up. And Harry has left five voicemails in one hour - which consisted of awkward slow sentences and the voice mail being cut off several times before he can make a coherent full sentence - and here I am stranded in my living room feeling terribly guilty for ignoring my only family in Courtwall.

"Marisol" a loud bark and persistent knocking alarms me, as my phone drops crashing on the floor. Cursing under my breath I pick it up and walk over to the door, flinging it wide open.

"What's wrong?" I ask Ivy.

"I lost him" she sobs. Mascara stains her red blotchy cheeks, leaving dried stains on her skin, and I stand confused, for why in the world is Ivy crying?

"You lost who?" I quiz, pulling her into an affectionate hug.

"Zayn" she wails harder and shakes my body with her as I pat her back sympathetically, pulling her into the excuse I call a living room.

"Calm down, what happened?" I sit beside her close enough on the couch, trying to soothe her.

"He just went bonkers Sol, and threw plates on the floor and left the apartment and disappeared. He won't reply his phone calls, and Louis has no idea where he is. And I'm freaking out" she breathes in deep shallow breaths, hiccups interrupting her in between.

"Alright, alright" I take out my phone and dial Zayn's number, but of course, to no avail, he doesn't reply.

Where could he have gone?

"Did this happen before?"

"No! Zayn and I rarely fight. He just, I don't know, he was screaming about how I need to stop hassling him about quitting the stupid smoking thing he's going through, and bashed out on me Marisol. He just yelled, and- and threw things" she shakes her head, "Why would he do that?"

"He's probably having a bad day, and couldn't handle the whole smoking thing again. Maybe you should stop bringing it up" I pull on my sweats to cover my exposed shivering ankles.

"But, I care, that's why I bug him about it" she hugs her coat closer around her petite body and sniffs, "I'm sorry to have annoyed you, I suddenly realised I have no one to speak to, Marisol. Zayn and I never fought for me to turn to someone else"

I take her in my arms - her being much smaller to me - and embrace her with all the love I could muster, "Don't ever worry about not finding anyone to speak to, alright?" I kiss her forehead and let her sleep on my couch.

"Pig" I mutter to myself, looking out the window, hoping this asshole boyfriend of Ivy's would show up, "I'll show you a piece of my mind when you're back"

+

"You fucking shit bag, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" I find myself screaming loud enough for the neighbours to hear - or whoever is migrating the streets would. I had left Ivy in my apartment and went on the roof for fresh air, and in hopes I would spot Zayn on the street and tackle him. The tackling apparently didn't take much of a thinking, because as soon as I stepped a foot on the roof, I see smoke and Zayn himself dangling his legs off the edge of the roof.

"What do you want?" he grunts, not even turning around.

"You can't just leave Ivy like that, she cried herself to sleep, what's your deal huh? What is it?" I almost push him off the roof, but I pull myself together, for I don't need to commit murder and go to jail for this asshole's sake.

"It's none of your business now is it" he gets off the edge and blows the smoke over my face.

The nasty smell makes me see fire, and I loose all of my self control and lunge on Zayn. His lanky body falls on the floor as I sit on top of him sending punches to his face. I have caught him off guard, having managed only three punches before he pushed me off of him, hauling me flying towards the door of the roof.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he screams, wiping the blood off his lip, "Are you crazy?"

I sit on the floor and stare at what I have done. How dare I so offhandedly hit someone so brutally? I don't even seem to control my raging mind, as it screams for me to get up and punch Zayn more, punch him to death, it yells.

I hold my fuming head between my hands and scream, "Stop, stop, stop" I can't stop screaming. I just want my aggressive brain to be silent. I'm going mental, dear God, something is wrong with me!

"Hey" I feel hands around me, hugging me, "Hey stop, Marisol, you're fine" he whispers soothing words in my ears. And I want to apologise for hitting him, but as soon as I open my eyes, I'm smashed by the sapphire coloured eyes, staring concerned at me.

+

"What are you doing here?" I ask, cuddled into the corner of my couch, away from him.

"I came to check up on Ivy, then we heard shouting, from the roof, and well, I found you" he explains, as graspable as possible.

My brain is silent. As soon as I looked at Louis' eyes, it clamped up, and my screaming stopped, and my brain bottled up.

Louis had helped me down the stairs - far away from bastard Zayn, and terrified Ivy who I haven't noticed was watching us - to my room and made me a cup of tea in the process. He made himself at home really; it's like he knew where everything was.

"Do you-" I shake my head trying to process my thoughts, "Do you know who I am?"

"What do you mean?" he pushes the fringe of his messy hair off his forehead.

"On the bus, in Courtwall, you used to sit beside me"

He chuckles, "I don't know where Courtwall is, I was always in London" he explains, making me feel inarticulate. Of course, what a coincidence it would be if they were the same person! I glance at his tattoos, the resemblance is uncanny, and my eyes fall on his shoes, new orange shoes, and I smack myself mentally, of course it's not him.

"Right, sorry" I mumble.

"You okay?" he sips on his tea, burning his tongue in the process.

"I don't know" I say honestly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really" I keep staring at the drawers under the coffee table where I hid the magazines. My eyes are burning holes at them, and I'm afraid the drawers will magically fall open and I'm exposed. My mental illness will be out in the open, Marisol is crazy, will be tattooed on my forehead for everyone to see.

And whose fault is it really? None other than, Niall Horan, the bastard.

"I hope you feel better soon" Louis says and I hear him getting up. I don't bother looking at him or replying as he walks to the door and the annoying squeaking sound of the door opening echoes through the apartment.

"She's not talking much, but you can try" I hear Louis say, and two seconds later Ivy stands staring down at me.

"I'm not sorry" I mumble, looking at her sock-clatted feet. She's not wearing any shoes.

"I know you're not! And I'm not mad" she bends down on her knees and looks me straight in the eyes, she has the most beautiful blue eyes, but Niall's will always be the special of them all, "but Zayn is"

"I don't fucking care, he was being so nonchalant about it you know? And it just boiled my blood"

"I know" she squeezes my thighs, "You're just not used to his behaviour 's all. He acts nonchalant when he's upset, but that outburst of his today..." she shakes her head, "That was new"

"I'm not going to apologise to him" I lay it out on the table, I'm not weak. No more sorrys, or apologises, or begging for forgiveness. That's long gone with Niall, that stays in Courtwall.

"And you don't have to" she gets up and kisses my forehead, "I'll see you after tomorrow Sol" I nod and she leaves the apartment.

Alone, again, and at last.

+