Whimper

Whimper | Nineteen

Whimper

Nineteen

Maxeton Collie

I cried.

For hours on end, I silently cried into Ethan's chest, the only indication of my tears the stains on his shirt. Once he told me what they did, I was overwhelmed with anger. Unrelenting anger that was so overpowering I almost didn't notice the sadness. And shock. Angry because they thought they could do this to me. Angry that they took advantage of me. Sadness because they were once my friends. People I trusted. And shock because.. because I really couldn't believe Aisla. I was hurt, angry, and confused.

And the self loathing was incomprehensible. I'd been told I was too trusting before, and that my tendency to see the good in others before I saw the bad would be my downfall. And of course it was. If I had listened to Ethan and not gone, I wouldn't have been in this mess. No drink would have even been offered. Even if I had gone anyway, if I had refused any drink like Ethan suggested, I would've been fine.

But I wanted to deny Jackson's wrongdoings so badly that I endangered myself and ultimately paid the consequences. And for that, I absolutely fucking hated myself.

"Max.." I heard Ethan murmur, feeling the rumble of his voice in his chest against my cheek. We were laying on my bed, Ethan having claimed my bed with his tall body splayed across it - me nuzzled into his chest wrapped in my blanket like a burrito.

I hummed in response, sighing ever so slightly as he stroked my head. The fingers of one hand threaded themselves through my hair as the other held me against him tightly by my waist. It was honestly exactly the comfort I needed right now. I didn't need questioning, more anger to fuel mine, or pity. I just needed to be held, quietly and tightly, just like this. I just wanted time to mourn.

And Ethan let me have that. He nearly instantly adapted to me and forced himself to be docile for me to help me feel less shitty. And judging from the rage in his eyes earlier, it most definitely was not as easy task. I really appreciated him.

"Max," he hummed again.

I sniffed. "Yeah?"

"...How are you doing?" He asked tentatively. He wasn't sure what to say but obviously felt as though he needed to speak seeing as my crying ceased.. It was cute.

I readjusted myself, tilting my head to meet his gaze.

"I'm.. not great, but better now that I've had a few hours to just cry and get it out, you know? How are you doing?"

He squinted his eyes at me. "I'm not the one who needs asking."

"Well.. I don't know."

Ethan sighed, turning his gaze to the ceiling.

"I'm not sure if right now's a bad time or not, but I wanted to mention something Jackson said."

I instantly stiffened. God, no, please don't tell me that piece of shit told Ethan we slept together on top of everything else. I just lost two people important to me already, I didn't wanna lose a third.

Especially not Ethan.

But I already knew that had to be it.

Ethan returned his gaze to me as I held my breath.

"Jackson said that you two slept together. Regularly."

I could feel the tears well up in my eyes before he even finished his sentence.

I felt so dirty.

I'd been sleeping with this guy. And he drugged me to let someone who I thought was my friend take advantage of me. And my dumbass had been sleeping with him.

"I-" I whimpered, my voice cracking, "I-It's been weeks since we have, but it's true.." And the sobbing exploded. I was crying loudly, a blubbering mess. "I'm so fucking disgusting. I know I'm fucking stupid and a whore. What kind of idiot gets drugged by a dude he's been with?"

I turned away from Ethan completely, my body shaking with my heaves and sobs.

"I'm so sorry," I cried, "I don't even deserve happiness because I'm so fucking stupid. That's why every dude I like fucks me over, or I push the away with some dumb shit I do and I lose them. And now you're gonna leave me, and I don't even blame you -"

"Hush, Max," Ethan silenced me, so firm and sudden I actually quieted. He pulled me back against him, both hands on the sides of my head, one stroking my cheek.

"And stop lying. Stop blaming yourself for trusting your friends. It's their fault for breaking your trust, not yours for trusting them. You can't help them being disgusting pieces of shit, and we're gonna make sure they pay for it. Whether it be legally or not, that's your choice. You are gorgeous, inside and out, and people who take advantage of that are shitheads you don't need around. You're only an idiot if you think you're anything less than a gem and if you think I'd leave my Max."

It was so sweet, probably the sweetest thing he'd ever said to me, and it caused my eyes to well up even more. He actually was making me feel better.

And he called me his Max.

"I-"

"Shh, Max. You don't have to be near either of them anymore. I'm here. I'll beat their asses if they try anything."

He tilted my head up, hand sliding to my nape as he captured my lips in a tender kiss - a kind of kiss I didn't even think he was capable of. Butterflies fluttered happily in my belly, their vibrations traveling to create a tingling in my lips.

He pulled away, all too soon, but turned around and captured me in a comforting, soul warming embrace.

"I'll always be here. I got you, baby."