CONNECTED (Rewriting)

.One.

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(Jungkook's POV)

It was yoongi hyung's birthday today. But I somehow managed to ruin it. It started out with the cake cutting. When yoongi hyung was done cutting the cake, everyone was giving him gifts and presents. I also had a small box in my hand, neatly wrapped up in decorative paper, and I was waiting for my turn. After everyone handed over their presents, they all looked at me, some smirking.

I ignored the smirks and handed yoongi hyung the gift and greeted him,"h-happy birthday, h-hyung." I stuttered, not knowing if he'll like the gift or not. He basically snatched it from me, opened it and saw a branded watch. Yoongi hyung then started shouting at me, saying that the watch was fake.

But I knew it was real. It was the most I could afford. Even after being a part of the biggest boyband in the world, I got paid the least in the band. Well, I was paid as much as everyone else but hyungs never let me use it.

They all started beating me. There was nothing I could do except curl into a ball and enduring the pain. It wasn't that I couldn't tolerate it. My pain tolerance was way higher than any of them. But I still had to block it out.

It hurt more emotionally than physically.

After a while of kicking, punching, slapping and calling me names, they apparently got bored and left me lying on the floor. And I was surprised that I was conscious.

Then I started limping towards my room while softly sobbing. When I was climbing up stairs, I heard my hyungs laughing and enjoying themselves. I smiled to myself thinking that they were finally happy but started sobbing again at the thought that they are only happy without me.

"How can anybody be happy with you?" I heard someone say. I didn't turn around knowing who it was. It was the voice in my head. "I know" I whispered to myself. "Then don't just stand here. If they see you, they'll be angry again." The voice basically spat the last part but I obeyed nonetheless. I didn't want to be beaten up more.

I continued limping towards my room and shuffled the drawers for my razors. I was hurt. I wanted it to end. I finally found the razor and made my way to the bathroom. Then I started cutting…

One for being born
One for buying yoongi hyung a fake watch
One for ruining my hyung's special day
One for being a disappointment
One for being fat
One for being useless...

I wanted to keep counting but eventually gave up to the pleasure and started enjoying the pain. With each cut, I felt a little bit of hurt go away and get replaced with numbness.

After about 15minutes of cutting, I stopped to stare at the masterpiece that I created. The whole sink was covered in my crimson red liquid and so was my wrist.

I rinsed the sink and my wrist with water. After a few minutes, when I was done with cleaning, I decided to take a shower. I didn't mind the cold water but flinched when it touched my raw cuts. I stepped out of the shower after a few minutes and started drying myself.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I scoffed knowing I was fatter than the average person. I was indeed the heaviest in BTS. I wanted to work out after looking at myself but the exhaustion from cutting and crying took over me and I ended up falling asleep. Nothing can be done about my weight anyways, I am beyond repair now.

(Author's POV)

You might be wondering what made the hyungs hate jungkook. Well, this all started a few years ago. When jungkook still didn't get his crystal, everyone started teasing him for it.

Innocent teasing turned into shaming. Shaming also turned into abusing. Things got out of hand so quickly that Jungkook could not handle it. It was as if in a matter of moments, the protective and supportive hyungs abandoned him and they were replaced by monsters.

All this because mother nature didn't give the kid a goddamn crystal on the back of his right hand. All this because of something he had no control on. All this because his hyungs didn't have any other way to channel their stress. All this because his oh so loving and caring hyungs didn't give a single shit about his feelings now.

But jungkook still saw them as his hyungs. He had this unbreakable trust in them. That they would only do good to him. Due to all these sudden changes, Jungkook believed whatever the members said to him. He believed he was fat when he was actually underweight. He believed he did nothing for the group when he was actually the one who was good at everything. He believed everything they said almost blindly.

Jungkook's dreams were the only place he was allowed to escape reality and revisit all the great memories he had of his past. Him playing with his hyungs, his small play fights with taehyung, and most importantly the days when the members got their crystals.

He used to be so excited as he saw the members hug each other. He used to be excited when they used to blush seeing each other. He used to be excited thinking that this will happen to him someday too.

But now, his hyungs had said enough to convince him that he would never be happy. That he was worthless. That he was nothing but a burden and a disappointment.

But these things never stopped jungkook from dreaming. He would revisit all the times that he used to stare at his hyungs while they hugged, lost in deep thoughts, imagining how his life partner would be.

In his dream…

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