I'm Hurting (H2OVanoss)/BBS (In Progress)

Open Up

"So... I don't know everything, so can I ask a few questions?" Crystal begins.

"Go for it." Jon answers.

"You guys are dating, right?" She asks. We both nod.

"Okay... and also... if you both need something to help you cope with stress, why don't you guys just find out what's causing so much stress and fix it together, rather than... self harming..." She points out.

"I don't self harm." Jon says.

"When you started, did you know that people die from smoking?"

"Yes..."

"So you knew that you were in danger and you still did it to yourself out of "stress".  Sounds like self harm to me." She states.

"I guess you have a point, but I didn't do it because I was insecure, I did it because it was a distraction and it took me away from reality for a little bit."

"You got high to escape reality?" Crystal asks.

"I guess so..." Jon mumbles.

"Wow. That makes so much more sense now..." I mutter.

"What are you talking about?" Jon asks.

"When you did all of that random sh*t to me last week...you were just high?"

Jon blushes, "I guess I was."

"So you get high to escape reality, and you overdose to escape reality?" Crystal questions.

"I don't really overdose anymore..." I admit.

"So what do you do?" She raises an eyebrow.

I pull my sleeve down, "I don't really do anything anymore." She examines me for a second.

"Is he lying?" She asks the guys.

"It depends. Did you ever get the blade back, Jon? You know, after he found it?" Brian asks.

"F*ck... no."

"Well, perhaps you never stopped cutting." She looks at me, "Mind showing us your arms?"

"Um...yes, I do mind. I'm not showing you my arms."

"Why not? Got something to hide?" She quizizz

"No...I'm not gonna let you do this detective sh*t to me Crystal." She giggles.

"I'm trying to help you guys." She smiles.

"Yeah, so Evan, why don't you want to show your arms?" Marcel asks.

"How did this conversation switch to me? Jon smokes. He's intoxicating his lungs." I mention. Crystal laughs.

"Evan, just show us your f*cking arms." She says.

"No, I'm okay. I promise."

"How can you make a promise if it cannot be proven?" She questions.

I sigh, "I don't use cutting as an escape from reality. It's just a punishment I guess."

"A punishment for...?"

"Anything. I just blame myself for stuff, just like Jon, and instead of getting mad, I just... slice myself open." I say calmly.

"So you do still cut." Crystal states.

"You caught me."

"Wait... We've seen you shirtless countless times, and we would've said something if we noticed marks or something." Luke points out.

"Jon spent a week putting makeup on my neck. I may or may not have picked up some tips, and did it myself."

"So you've been hiding your self harm from us? You're f*cking family? We raised you better than this." Arlan jokes.

I smile a little, "Sorry, I just didn't want to stress you guys out more... because I seem to be pushing you guys to the limit..." Don't let the thoughts come. Don't let the thoughts come.

"No, you're fine. I just... sometimes I let too many things flood into my head at once and I get overwhelmed by it, which makes me do things that I wouldn't usually do." Jon mumbles.

"Back to what I was asking before... why didn't you guys help cure your stress together?" Crystal asks.

"Well... the only thing that really pushes me to the limit is the things that happen to them, and you too now. I just hate when people f*ck with my friends, and I can't stop it. Or he," He glares at me playfully, "won't let me."

"Where does your stress root from?" Crystal asks me.

"Um... I think since I have really bad anxiety, it stresses me out sometimes. Like how my dad is always trying to do sh*t to me. I also hate making people upset, which is why I cut now. For that reason is why I didn't want to tell you guys I started cutting again, because they all get pissed, especially Jon, so I try to avoid talking about myself since I seem to do it so often. It's another bad habit I guess."

"There's nothing bad about opening up." Crystal says

"I open up too much."

"Well, it's because we like to know what's going on so we can help you." Crystal mentions.

"Why don't you guys help Jon?" I ask quietly. He looks at me with concern.

"Jon, do you need help?" Lui asks.

He glances down, "I don't think so."

"See Evan? He said he's okay." Craig comments. I glance at Jon and he's still looking at the ground.

"How can you believe him? He has a smoking addiction and you guys think he's fine?"

"Nooo don't turn this on me. I'm not suicidal." Jon argues.

"That doesn't mean you're not okay!"

"I told you what was wrong a few days ago. All I needed was to get it off my chest. I'm fine now."

"How about you tell them?" I ask him calmly. He glances from me to the ground and back to me.

"I'm not ready for that."

"Aww c'monn" Tyler whines.

"I'll tell you guys later."

"Oh..." Crystal looks to the side, "I can step away if you want."

"No, you're fine. I'm fine. I just don't have the courage to talk about sh*t right now." Jon says.

"We understand. Take your time to think, and we'll be ready when you're ready to tell us, okay?" Crystal offers.

"Thank you." Jon mumbles.

"Uh oh..." Marcel says.

"What happened?" Ryan asks him.

"We have some company..." Scotty tells us. We look to our right and see Julian and Alexander walking towards us down the street. I look back straight and see Dad walking down the street with a cigarette in his mouth.

"F*ck f*ck f*ck..." I repeat.