Death's Ledger

Chapter 18 - Death's Kiss

I fled, arms and legs pumping, but the harder I ran, the closer it loomed. It was as if I was on a treadmill to nowhere and I couldn't get off until the nightmare had run its course - until I saw him. Breathless and defeated, I gave in to the inevitable and skidded to a halt, waiting for Death to engulf me.

My surroundings morphed and I found myself standing across the street from my tree, my hand outstretched. Foreknowledge settled around me, smothering and heavy. I snatched my hand back. Something awful was about to happen. I knew it.

I waited for a similar dread to consume me, but this dream was different from the others. Suddenly, I understood that what I was waiting for was immutable. Nothing I could do, nothing I could say, would change the outcome. I had to confront it, accept it, find a way to live with it, then I'd be free.

I looked down at my hand, realizing I was holding my old red Walkman; the tape was moving, but I couldn't hear anything. The battery light was a little low, but it should have still played. The volume was turned all the way to ten. So I know that wasn't the problem. I flipped the tape over and Black Flag's "Depression" came on full blast.

That's more like it, I thought, stepping down into the asphalt of Warren & 5th from the curb, the darkness subtly lightened. I braced myself for what I knew awaited me.

A car horn blowing. Tires screeching. My vision tunneled as the nose of a 1980 Buick Century barreled into me, pinning my torso against a tree -- my tree.

For a split second, the sounds of the world stomped through my ears, snailed around my head, and then blended together. Voices came and went. Somebody was talking and yelling to somebody who was yelling and talking. Hard footsteps around her with a brisk rhythm—click, clack, click, clack. A siren cried in the distance, grew louder as it got closer, then faded as it moved away again. My vision was blurred, I looked down at its crushed snout, crumpling against my chest as if it were trying to devour me.

When I looked up, in a moment of pure clarity - I saw him.

Through the plums of engine smoke, Death stood in the middle of Warren & 5th. His long black cloak jacket sweeping the ground, his death mask was smeared with tears.

Suddenly, the 1980 Buick was gone, like a mirage, like a bad dream within a bad dream. "I remember the day you died like it was yesterday," he said, his voice was deep and rich now with what seemed like overpowering conflict. "I collected you myself."

I'd neve felt emotion like this, even from the Living. It made me afraid. If he wasn't calm and collected how was I supposed to be? I stopped listening to my thoughts. Why was he here? What did he want? Then he came toward me, and even though he looked so pained, I was scared of him. I moved back a step, steadily staring into his dark eyes, aware that he was absorbing my energy and in complete control.

My surroundings morphed again. The street was empty. Not a soul in sight. Death looked at me cautiously. "I won't hurt you," he whispered. "I will never hurt you."

The nausea came, but there was nothing to hold me upright. I thought my legs were going to give out and then he was there in front of me with his arms holding me like an old rag doll. He picked me up and carried me to a nearby stoop where he set me down on the last few steps.

Death kneel before me, his gloved hands around my face, as if it were something he wanted to keep safe. I felt the temperature drop at his closeness. "You were meant for The Next World, but when I met your spirit, I knew you were different. That you were going to make me different," he admitted. "So I did the most selfish thing I could have done - I kept you here."

"You kept me here?" I repeated, not understanding.

"Yes. I should have let you go, but I wasn't ready for you to leave."

This caused me to soften a little - only a little. "You mean, you weren't ready for me to leave because you wanted me to yourself?" I wanted him to clarify.

"No," Death said fiercely. "I didn't want you to leave, Sage, because of what you mean to me. I kept you here for my own selfish reasons. Because, after I collected you, I started to feel human again; connected to the world; connected to the souls." He looked down at his gloved hands. "I detest who I am. I hate my purpose. I hate not recognizing my own hands."

"Or your own face," I added, catching him off guard.

Death looked me up and down, then his gazed fastened on mine. "You made me feel something new; a different kind of vulnerability and it was so raw and gaping that I felt sure the wound was visible, that something vital was exposed and escaping."

He paused, but kept staring at me as if hypnotized. I was filled with too much emotion to speak. He moved closer still. "At that moment, you were everything to me."

"If I helped, I'm glad," I said. Though I had a little trouble saying it, because I was shivering so badly from reliving the accident that it was hard to talk. My body was so tense that every muscle felt taut. I didn't know what I was supposed to say or do now.

Death bent forward and kissed me until I felt my will power go winging out of my body as if a bird bore it away. I knew this was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself. I wrapped my arms around his neck to bring his face closer to mine. His lips were cold; all of him was cold. But I was heedless of it, because I was in Death's arms and his lips demanded, they tempted and teased. He kissed me with such passion that it frightened me. I stiffened and pulled away from him. My lips throbbed from the pressure of his kiss.

"I'm sorry," he breathed raggedly against my cheek, sending chills through my body. "I can take you to The Next World, if that's what you want. You can walk away from this and be at peace. Or you can stay." He kissed me again, but this time, he was much gentler. "You can stay with me, and be by my side."